Part I of Equilibrium: chaunt du cygne
by illusory
Summary: Harry's life is about to spiral into chaos. Secrets of the past began to work their way to the surface and there's no escaping. And Voldemort just isn't nice enough to stay out of the way, when he chooses to emerge Harry will be in for a bumpy ride. Pre-S
1. p r o l o g u e

Tile: _chaunt du cygne_

Author: illusory

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and I'm just playing for my own amusement. I don't own anything except the little original things in this story and well the story it's self.

Rating: R (I think not sure where the line is crossed)

Warning: This is pre-slash, but will not even show a hint of it (sorry). There will be violence, gore, angst galore, contemplative and attempted suicide, language, and death.

Notes: This is important (at least in my opinion). _Chaunt du cygne_ is the pre story of what I was originally writing and was only going to be the prolog of the story, but due to the things I wanted to change in Harry's life I found my self writing something that should be a story all on it's own. Now this is going to be a full-length story but this is more like a salad or soup before the main course. That does not however mean that this is a short unimportant part of the story though; for with out reading this you'll not understand Harry in part II and he will seem OOC. Then again since you now get to hear what Harry's thinking he may seem OOC anyway and I don't care. This is my version of Harry, anyway enough rambling. This is by the way not beta read and if anyone would like to beta read this or future chapters I'd be very grateful. Enjoy!

P r o l o g

Let me make this clear. Life at the Dursley's has never been a good thing and never will be. I know what most people think, I'm just spoiled rotten by my muggle relatives, and they couldn't be more wrong. I can classify my time spent there into two categories; before Hogwarts sent the acceptance letter and after Hogwarts sent the acceptance letter.

Before Hogwarts my room was a cupboard under the stairs and little food during the summer and even less during the school year because I was fed at school. There were awful beatings that were mostly hidden by my huge baggy hand-me-downs from Dudley and almost total forced solitude.

Over time I came to cherish my solitude and the silence that followed in its wake. Silence meant that the Dursleys weren't there to hurt me and no one would ever know if I cried, for you see I refused to cry in front of the Dursleys, in front of any one. I knew I was weak, but that doesn't mean I'd let anyone see just how weak I was.

Then there was the second beginning of my life, for I felt that I was being born again. This time into a world where I belonged; the world where my parents were from, and Hogwarts was home. That home I had never had the chance to have. First seeing the castle from the boat slowly making it's way across the lake, I could have cried. Would have if no one would have noticed, but I knew even then that people upon finding out who I am, stared. There was never a thing that I despise more then the faceless people staring at me in awe and admiration, disgust and hate.

Now the Dursleys treated me differently then before. They suddenly knew for sure that I was what my parents had been, a wielder of magic, a wizard. I was promoted from the cupboard under the stairs to Dudley's second bedroom, which even now doesn't feel like it's really mine. Truth be told I still feel like the cupboard is my room and sometimes I long to be back there in the dark and silence. This wasn't the only change though. The beatings had stopped and for that I couldn't be more grateful. Sure every once and a while one of them will be in a really vicious mood and will lash out at me in anger, but it was such an improvement that it seemed like nothing when my aunt would suddenly hit me with a rolling pin. Don't think I'm stupid though, normally I duck out of the way in time, but I even get caught off guard.

This is how it was before Dobby the house elf paid his first visit to me and got me in trouble with the Ministry of Magic when he use a spell while at the Dursley's, for you see they thought that I, an underage wizard, had cast a spell when we're not allowed. You can image the glee of my relatives when they found out I wasn't allowed to use magic over the holidays. To say the least the beatings started again, and Dobby thought I'd really stay there. I'd rather turn myself over to Voldemort with a little note saying 'kill me please!' Summer before third year past much the same as the ending of second. They were still quite livid about the whole Weasley rescue thing and showed me no mercy.

The summer after third year had to have been the best so far. With the threat of a murderous godfather hanging ominously over their heads the Dursleys were on pins and needles again trying not to hit me too often. I wished only that I could be with my godfather instead and sometimes regret not letting Sirius and Professor Lupin kill Pettigrew. By the gods how I hate that rat. Still all in all things turned out for the better that summer. That is until the end. I must admit that I found the twin's joke on Dudley to be hilarious, but I'm not stupid, really I'm not. I knew the Dursleys would put me through hell for daring to hurt their dear Dudley even if I hadn't had a hand in it. When I realized this I know I'd gone right pale and hid it before anyone could notice, but that night I cried. I was so scared of what they'd do to me when I went back. Fortunately I managed to put those thought in the back of my mind, but I remembered sometimes and almost wish to die in the Triwizard Tournament.

Now though I'm going back. I'm sitting here silently in the train waiting to go back to the Dursley's. Ron and Hermione think I'm so silent because of Cedric and in a way that is the reason, but it's not the only reason. I can barely keep myself from trembling in fear. I swear I'd rather go back to the graveyard and face Voldemort again then face my muggle relatives. I think there's some deity up there that's really getting a kick out of watching my life. A sick fucked twisted and perverted kick that is.

The train has stopped. Oh my God. I can't move. They aren't going to kill me, no that would be heaven compared to the hell they will put me through. Ron tries to get me to get up and Hermione gives me a concerned pity laced look. I don't want your misguided pity. Why are you rushing me to my torture and untimely loss of sanity? I want Sirius he'd help me. He'd wave his wand and make them go away. No, I need Sirius.

Some how they've managed to drag me out of the train and were headed to the exit of platform nine and three quarters, into the muggle world. I don't want to go! I think I know why Voldemort could come to hate muggle so much. Please let me stay! Ron and Hermione are looking at me oddly and I don't care. I think I'm going to hyperventilate. Hey maybe then I'll faint and they'll have to send me back to Hogwarts and Madam Pomfrey's care.

Too late, they've gotten me through the portal and I can see Uncle Vernon waiting for me. He looks pleased. That can't be good for me, can it? Ron and Hermione say good-bye and I respond in kind some how and make my way over to my Uncle. He smiles and I think I whimper because his smile gets wider.

Welcome to my life, if you can call this freak circus a life. In case you're a muggle or just haven't realize it yet I'm Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived.

**********

Comment and Criticism are welcomed and appreciated. Hopefully chapter one will be out soon, but I already know it's going to be some ungodly length and hence require time.


	2. Skeleton In the Closet

Tile: _chaunt du cygne_

Author: illusory

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and I'm just playing for my own amusement. I don't own anything except the little original things in this story and well the story it's self.

Rating: R (I think not sure where the line is crossed)

Warning: This is pre-slash, but will not even show a hint of it (sorry). There will be violence, gore, angst galore, contemplative and attempted suicide, language, and death.

Notes: Took forever to write! I can't promise that later chapter will come out any sooner, but I'm still working on the thing and I'm not giving up! A big horribly wonderful project has taken up lots of time as well as the research done for the story so writing happens whenever I get the chance and normally proofread by me during free time in class. (Like after tests and when I can't stand listening to teachers lecture.) At this point I still need to go back and proofread the last ten pages big time and the rest needs to be proofread again so there will be mistakes, sorry but I wanted to submit it as soon as possible, anyway onward.

A.N. Notes for Edited Version: There have been Spelling and grammar errors that are corrected, and sentences that are rearranged, added, or deleted. I have also fixed the mistake that elsa3beth pointed out in her review, which I'm really thankful for.

Skeleton In the Closet

"Follow me boy." Uncle Vernon says as he turns around and heads toward the parking lot. I lag along behind till I remember that its best to not keep him waiting and pick up the pace. My belongings were quickly locked in the trunk of what must be a new company car and I scramble into the back seat clutching Hedwig's cage close, afraid of the looks he keeps casting in her direction.

The ride back to the Dursley's is leaden with silence for even Hedwig knows better then to make noise around the Dursleys. As we park I move swiftly to gather my things and follow my uncle through the door. The cupboard is already open and I take my trunk putting it away, barely grabbing Hedwig's cage in time as I'm shoved out of the way and the cupboard is locked. Uncle Vernon turns around and stalks over to where I stand with a vicious smirk on his twisted lips. Curling around Hedwig's cage I stand on trembling legs awaiting the first of many beating, but instead my hair is roughly grabbed and I'm yank toward the stairs.

"You will stay in your room for the next week. I don't want any noise from you or your god-dammed owl. Is that understood, freak?" Uncle Vernon rants at me as I'm dragged up the stairs and down the hall.

"Yes, sir." The respond just loud enough to be heard but quiet enough to not agitate him.

We're at the door.

"I don't like that tone you take with me! You'll learn to respect me yet boy!" Yanking open the door my uncle shakes me harshly by my hair before tossing me in the room. The momentum throws me off balance and I fall onto the floor curled up tightly around the owl cage. A desire to get away from my cruel uncle wars with the rebellious urge to show no fear, leaving me an immobile ball on the ground.

"You'll be let out only to use the loo so you don't dirty the room more then necessary you useless piece of filth!' The door slams shut, and the locks slid into place with a series of clicks as I'm surrounded in darkness.

The only light in the room comes from the seams of the door and my boarded up window. It looks like they don't trust me not to send Hedwig out over the summer, but now how will I take care of her if she can't even be allowed to fly around for a bit. I uncurl from around the cage and put it on the desk that stands beside the bed against the wall. Hedwig hops out as soon as I opened it and lands softly onto my shoulder; nipping my ear in consolation. I stand there for a time petting Hedwig absently as I think of how I'm going to manage to get Hedwig outside.

Snapping out of my daze I walk softly over to the window and trace the edge of the boards and the nails slightly sticking out. The light coming through has changed to a bright orange-red that seems to make the boards glow, for not much light can get through the boards that are nearly nailed one on top the other. Soon the sun will finish setting this knowledge causes me to rush and find something in the room that can be used to ply the boards from the wall. Finding nothing I sit down on the bed as the last of the now dark red light fades away.

"I'll see if I can swipe I butter knife from the kitchen later when the Dursleys have me cook." I tell Hedwig as my fingers unconsciously pet her soft silky feathers as she settles herself on my lap knowing. Receiving a soft hoot in response I idly wonder if Hedwig can see in the darkness that has engulfed the room with the setting sun as the hall light has long been turned off.

I fall into a meditative daze and let the last year at Hogwarts play through my mind. Excitement, curiosity, dread, rejection, dread, worry, joy, happiness, dread rejection, jealousy, dejection, dread, joy, dread, fear, terror, numb, fright. The year plays like a movie with emotions and mute pictures flashing in clips and standstills to the train ride back. I push the thoughts violently aside and curl my self around my owl, my friend, without trying to box her in. She faintly nips at my nose and I give her an empty smile she can't see. We stay like that for a long while till the darkness of the room fades into the obscurity of unconsciousness.

*****

Left standing in darkness shivering in the cold burrowing into my flannel pajamas leaving my bare extremities to the bitter chill of night. A blanket of thick fog starts to surround me and the absolute darkness fades into a scene. Looking around the faint silhouettes of gravestones can just be made out against the grayish backdrop of fog. 'Not again.' I can't help but think as Voldemort's hissed command from within the concealing fog reaches out.

"Kill the spare."

"Please don't." A plead to the unseen dream figures. As always they heed not my desperate pleas and the nightmare continues.

The killing curse uttered from the rat's mouth.

For a moment there is absolute silence and then from the fog drops Cedric's body at my feet; a dull thud slicing through the night air heavy with silence. I've long since stopped screaming when this happens yet can't quite help but flinch when his head lolls and brush against my feet.

How frightening the dead can be though there is nothing that they can do to the living. Slowly I kneel down, ignoring for now the trouble my dream self is getting into. Gently, as though I might disturb him from his slumber, I brush the bangs away from his terror-glazed eyes.

A scream shatters my focus waking me from my contemplative state.

Voldemort must have me under the Cruciatus curse. I shiver at the memory of the mind numbing pain that had racked through my body. Oh, yes I can see how some one would lose their sanity under such torment.

Turning my head away from the sounds I gaze back down at Cedric and brush away his bangs again.

"I'm sorry I convinced you to take the trophy with me. It's my fault your dead now and I'm so sorry Cedric… I… I didn't mean to drag you into this mess." I chock on the end of the sentence and can't stop the tears that fall down my face, contorted in guilt. "You would've had that perfect kind of life. You were so sure of yourself and your place in things… probably would have had a white picket fence type of house with a lovely wife and two point five kids." My laughter stops me from saying more and I can't help but notice the hysteric edge to it. "You'd 'ave married Cho most likely." I rub the tears off my face with my pajama sleeve and sniffle pathetically.

My want of being with Cho had dead along with Cedric and I felt none of the bitterness that had once been there with the thought of them being together. "You would have a perfectly normal happy life as a wizard and because of me you'll never of that chance, Merlin Cedric, I'm so sorry."

My tirade stops short as a disheveled and panicky me latches on to Cedric, grabbing his wrist and summoning the cursed Triwizard Tournament trophy. The dream figure glances up and our eyes lock for a moment his flashing a frightened bright crimson red freezing me in terror as the Portkey tugs at my navel and everything goes black.

*****

The week passed in a blur of restless waking hours and the moments of torturous sleep when I'd been too exhausted to fight the Sand Man any longer. Magically preserved owl treats and dried meats were brought out from where they had been hidden under the loose floorboards to feed Hedwig as well as water secretly taken from the bathroom. Knowing that I would face a great deal of starving throughout the summer a good number of treats and pastries from the train trolley had been purchased, mainly pastries though for they took up less room and were more filling.

When the week finally came to an end Aunt Petunia came to the door in the morning as she always did, unlocking it while pounding on it to wake me up.

"Get up you lazy sob! You're to make breakfast so hurry it up." With the last screeched words yelled I slump out of the bed, which I had been laying in for who knows how long trying not to sleep. I quickly make my way to the door and opened it squinting against the harsh hall light waiting for my eyes to adjust a little before heading to the loo to wash up a bit. From there I trudge my way down the stairs that blur slightly as I sway, grabbing the banister for balance. Some how I manage to make it the rest of the way down the stairs and hurry to the kitchen before the Dursleys get any more impatient with me.

Quickly the normal breakfast is prepared; runny eggs, fried potato slices, and ham, cheese sprinkled liberally over all of it. My stomach turns as I sit there and watch them eat as I've been taught to do. Waiting for when they might want more food or drink. Having to wait for them to finish and the dishes to be done before being allowed to eat. They're a sickening lot and the site of them sitting there stuffing their faces, with no manners what so ever, like the food might suddenly disappear is almost enough to make me lose what little is in my stomach at the moment.

Finally they finish and I'm left alone for a few brief moments as the mess that they've made of the table is cleaned and the sticky and dirty dishes washed. Checking quickly to see where the Dursleys are, the living room at the moment watching the television, I dry off a now clean sturdy butter knife and tuck it into one of the many pockets on a pair of over sized hand-me-down cargo pants. Looking around again a soft sigh of relief escapes with the knowledge I wasn't seen and I continue to wash the rest of the dishes and put them away.

**********

'Bugger!' I'm thrown back into my room and land in a heap on the dusty floor. The door slams shut behind me and the locks click into place. I pull myself into a sitting position and rub my aching jaw and clutch lightly at my left side.

It turns out I wasn't supposed to get any food yet and when my uncle found me eating the two slices of bread normally rationed to me for breakfast he hadn't been happy. I'd of course gotten a quick beating before he throw me back in my room and went to work. Luckily unknown to my uncle I'd swiped a few pieces of ham earlier and as Hedwig came over from what sounded like her cage to check on me I gave her the pieces. She quickly eats them and nips my fingers affectionately.

"Sorry I couldn't get you more Hedwig, but I did manage to get something that might help me get the boards off the window. It'll have to wait until the Dursleys are asleep mind you, but I think it'll work." I get up from my position on the floor and lower myself carefully onto the bed hoping that a little rest will help the minor injuries I'd sustained from my first beating this summer. Actually I'm rather surprised that Uncle Vernon hadn't done anything worse, but I could hardly complain.

Now that I had my first plan under way and merely needed to wait for the right time I began to think of what else I'll need to do to get by this summer. No doubt I'll have to find a way to get the books needed for my schoolwork from my trunk and that shouldn't be any harder then it had been in pervious years. So far I'd had good luck as far as that was concerned and had been able to get and return my books and homework from my supposedly inaccessible trunk. The homework would be harder to do this year though seeing as I no longer have a light and the flashlight I've stored away will likely run out of power soon.

Some time during my meditative thinking the world fuzzed out and everything went blank.

**********

"BOY!!!" I snap awake lurching out of bed as fast as my body will let me.

"Y-yes Uncle Vernon." I squeak, as the door slams open with an almighty bang. 'Merlin, what did I do to get him this upset!'

"One of those ruddy owls came and delivered a letter from that freak school to your aunt and I and do you know what it said." Uncle Vernon says this in an eerie and calm voice, sending a shiver through me as I look up into his cold beady eyes.

"No si-sir." I stutter trembling under that cold malicious glare he's giving me.

"It's about some freaky tournament you were in. Saw some one die did you? I bet you're the one that killed that person. I always knew you were a no good sort, a freak through and through. Worthless sort just like your parents were, you are. Maybe they won't punish you for what you've done, but I'll not let a murderer have free run of my house. You'll be lock in this room for the rest of the summer and you'll be dropped off at the train station to go to that _school _of yours. Don't worry though I'll make sure you get punished well and hard for what you've done freak. I'm sure it would've only been a matter of time until you tried to kill us too, wouldn't it?!" Uncle Vernon roared the last bit shaking the aforementioned letter in his hand banishing it at me.

"N-no si-sir I – I wouldn't 'ave!" My voice crakes and I see Cedric's face again, those cold empty eyes staring at me accusingly. "I – I didn't kill Cedric!" Tears start leaking down my face and I just can't stop them! 'I can't cry in front of Uncle Vernon! He'll see it for the weakness it is and that'll only make him happy! The fact that I'm weak!' I sniffle once in futile hope of stopping the assault of tears.

"You little liar!" He hisses at me so much like Voldemort and his jeering hissing taunts. Uncle Vernon doesn't wait a moment longer and knocks me in the face with a fist, connecting with the swelling bruise that had formed from the punch he'd given me earlier that day. He kicks my leg effectively bringing me down to the ground. "I'll put you in your place boy. You'll see."

I curl into a ball as the blows continue and peak through the gaps between my arms to stare at Hedwig, who like I've taught her has gone to quietly perch on the floor between the desk and bed. Hidden safely away in the shadows. Sad luminescent golden eyes peer at me as I lay on the ground taking my uncle's punishment as silently as I can. I smile at her in what I'm sure is more of a grimace as I think of how much my owl has been there for me. 'Yes better to think on Hedwig then on the pain.' And I do just that until I can think no longer.

*****

Someone I can't remember; porcelain fair skin, a halo of fiery red hair almost crimson in color, flash of bright sparkling emerald eyes, and a wide smile with a mischievous tint. Whispered words spoken in a voice clear and pure like a bubbling spring after the winter snow thaws.

"… I'll show you something…" I can't make out the part before or after, but that's okay because the voice continues anyway and sooths the despair that eats at me.

*****

Slowly I come to and wish I hadn't. For the first time in what seems like forever a nightmare had not woken me. The brief glimpse of what I'm positive was my mother and the warm feeling that's slowly draining away from the peaceful dream is savored. That is till I shift and am greeted with a hot wave of pain from head to toe. A slight moan slips from my lips as I lay there on the ground the dream now gone from my mind with the onslaught of pains and aches. The floor is not a good place to sleep when one is injured.

A soft hoot scatters my thoughts and I feel a soft nip of beck on my nose and give my friend a lop-sided smile.

"It's alright Hedwig. This is just the beginning so save your worries for when it really gets bad." A chuckle follows and I have to shake my head a little to dispense of the maddening urge to start laughing and never stop.

Shifting around a little more I check and categorize my injures. Seems like a sprained ankle, 'hmm… what feels like the right foot. It'll be harder to get around now.' multiple bruises… all over, two shallow lacerations along my right arm, a bit of internal bruising in the vicinity of the abdomen and surprisingly that was it. The worst would probably be the lacerations because there is a very real chance that they'll get infected. I'll have to remember to clean them as Uncle Vernon lets me go to the loo. They'll leave scars of course, but robes do a bloody brilliant job of hiding those kinds of things.

I get up and head over towards my pile of cloths. Rummaging through them I find an especially tatty, but fairly clean jumper, which is ripped it into shreds and bandage the gashes as tight as possible. I pause for a moment to take in the sounds of the house. Snoring. The Dursleys are asleep then. I make my way to the window and pull out the butter knife that I was stashed in my pants earlier. Feeling along the edge of the boards I start at one of the last ones and stick the knife in-between the board and the wall and slowly start to pull the board with nails away from where it's nailed into the wall.

The work is slow as I tug and pull for what seems like hours with my arms and shoulders begging for a break from the exertion. One board, then two and finally three have been removed and I open the window to let the fresh night air enter the stifling room. Hedwig hops up onto the ledge and I give her a broad smile before turning to the moon huge high in the sky.

"Go ahead and fly around for a bit Hedwig. The boards will have to be closed before the sun rises, if you stay out to long you'll be locked out for the day. I'm going to go ahead and do this every night that I can so if you if you go to Ron's or Hermione's you'll know when you can get back in." I whisper to her and get a hoot in responses before she hops up onto my shoulder to give a nip to my ear and then out the window she goes into the night.

I squash the swell of loneliness that blossoms in me at Hedwig's departure and trudge over to the bed setting myself carefully setting myself upon it. Who could have possibly sent that letter to the Dursleys? Why would some one even do that? I mean it's not as though they've ever showed that they care. I certainly never get letters from 'home' like others do. Wouldn't it be obvious to any one who cares enough to send a letter informing my 'guardians' anything about me? What'll I do about getting my school supplies this year? Uncle Vernon doesn't really seem as though he's willing to take me to pick my things up. Letting out a sigh I curl up under my sheet and wait for Hedwig to come back.

*****

Days blend seamlessly into nights and nights into days, a routine quickly developed within the endless hours. Hedwig comes right before dawn leaving me a few hours to sleep till I'm woken for a bathroom break, food and a warning laced threat to behave. Afterwards I'm locked in my room and left to do nothing. As luck would have it I managed to get my books a few days after first getting the boards off the window, for I've long ago learned to pick locks and so it was little trouble seeing as the Dursleys rarely locked all the locks on my door after the first week and a half. During the morning one of the boards gets halfway removed and my time it spent sitting beneath the window reading until Uncle Vernon gets back from work. My stuff is put away then I wait until dinner is finished down stairs, my uncle comes up to let me go to the loo again and then gives me my daily beating leaving some food and water when he goes. At night after the Dursleys are fast asleep I open the three same boards and let Hedwig out and work on my summer assignments. Sleep comes whenever I'm too tired to stay awake any longer; usually a nightmare awakes me some hours later.

Strangely though the dream that I have of my mother comes only when I black out during the beatings. I wake to find my uncle already gone and with less sever injures then what I should have. They don't make any sense, but they're comforting just the same and I'm thankful for the small respite they offer.

My mother's whispered words have been the only comfort beside Hedwig I've had. The dreams of Cedric have become fewer, but something worse has taken the place of those. Torture scenes, visions of Voldemort and the Death Eater's assignments. The prisoners are locked beneath some Death Eater's manor, a cold dark dungeon holding nameless victims. The families he attacks and the people he kills and the curses he casts. My every sleeping hour spent watching blood spill from those wretched people pleading for mercy and feeling the curses as though they've been cast upon me. I only screamed the first few times the visions came, for my screaming brought my uncle and his rage. My mind and body thankfully knowing that I mustn't make such loud sounds least I be forced to suffer more. I remember snippets of plans and random and have taken to writing everything besides the tortures, which I never forget, down on parchment so that maybe just maybe the information can be used against the Dark Lord.

Violently pushing aside anymore thoughts about Voldemort and his sick and twisted escapades.

In just a few minutes I'll turn a year older, fifteen. I chuckle mirthlessly, has it really only been four years since Hagrid came and told me that I'm a wizard? Am I really only that old when I feel so ancient?

Hooting at the window grabs my attention as four owls glide through. Well three glided and one zoomed about in random zigzags and a flurry of hoots. Pigwedgon. Can't help but smile at his antics even though the Dursleys will bring their wrath down upon me for the owl's transgression. Unfortunately there's no way that he can be caught at the moment seeing as I have a hard enough time moving at a moderate pace much less quick enough to catch the hyper active owl. A barn owl I haven't seen before drops a parcel in front of me just as a school owl, with the school crest on it's chest, drops a letter before both take off shooting annoyed hoots in Pig's direction. Hedwig also drops a parcel next to me giving a quick nip on the ear before taking flight and zeroing in on the ball of feathers more commonly known as an owl. Diving in quickly Hedwig snatches Pig from the air in her talons and depositing him in my lap. Giving him a quarter of an owl treat I remove the parcel tied to his leg before releasing him to zoom out the window.

Only a minute to go and I wonder what's the importance of this ritual that I've long ago established of staying awake till midnight, the eve of the day I was born. Hedwig settles herself in front of me, watching me with an almost exceptive gleam in her golden eyes. 'What are you anticipating, Hedwig? It's only another birthday like so many others.'

Midnight.

Any further thoughts are cut off violently as an unbearable pain spreads from my shoulder blades down and up my spine and through my whole body. I collapse on the bed my back arching up as my mouth opens in a silent scream. I can't breath. My lungs are on fire and my minds screaming, but I can't scream because I can't breath. Black spots appear in my vision and I'm starting to feel faint. Hedwig… and Hedwig is still perched in front of me looking as though she _knows_, but what she won't tell. The pain spikes and my body convulses everything goes dark and a comforting emptiness shallows me and I know no more.

*****

Laughing. Bright light and soft laughter, ringing through the air like the chiming of small silver bells. Red hair and sparkling emerald eyes twinkling down at me, mother.

"_Some day Harry. Some day you'll know. I'll show you something no one could show me. It'll be a secret and just us two will know. We'll not tell another soul for they couldn't understand and they shouldn't know, but don't worry because I'll be there to show you. I'll be there to hold you."_

Mother says in a singsong voice. She smiles down on me and taps my nose laughing merrily. I try and reach for her, touch her, but she only laughs more and hugs me close.

"_Everything will be fine, you'll see Harry. My dear beautiful son_."

*****

Light. I clench my eyes closed. The light woke me when I'd rather have slept forever. Oh and I'm sore all over! Wait… boards are nailed over the window. There shouldn't be any light in the room. As quick as possible I make my way to the window even as my body protests and fiery pain shoots through me. The boards get shoved back into place quickly and quietly. Leaving me free to collapse back on the bed in agony. Rest doesn't come though and I know that Uncle Vernon will be here soon. My presents get stashed away under the loose floorboard and Hedwig goes silently to her corner to wait out my uncle's wrath.

The unnaturally loud sound of the locks coming undone echoes through the room and I wait silently for a few moments before getting off the bed and heading to the bathroom. Closing the door behind me I lean against the wall in exhaustion and try desperately to ignore the pain that resonates through my body in dim shadows of the all-encompassing pain that scourged through me earlier. Going through my morning routines I think back on what may have caused the incident at midnight. The pain was nothing like what Voldemort normally sent through our connection and the lightening bolt scar doesn't ache and burn like it usually does after an intense night of Voldemort's torture. So Voldemort couldn't have caused it… well at least it didn't seem likely but there is no sure way of knowing.

A sigh escapes me and I look up from the sink and into my reflection. So thin… my face is so thin and there are dark shadows under my eyes and my whole face looks bruised. A busted lip, dried blood from yesterdays beating, dull green eyes so much alike and yet so different from my mother's. Mother. What do those dreams I keep having mean? Last night's was the clearest by far from all of them and of the first time I could tell what she was saying. What secret is there that she wished to tell me and keep from everyone else? Focusing on my reflection again I move from the distressing sight of my face and onto my untamable hair that some how has grown over the summer. Long jagged wisps of hair fall about an inch above my shoulders and my longer bangs easily cover the cursed scar and hide all but the tips of my ears. Stopping myself from looking anywhere else, afraid for seeing the true extent of damage, I continue to wash my hands, arms and face carefully cleaning the wounds that I can.

There's banging on the door causing me to pause a moment and I end the washing that I was currently giving myself. Drying quickly I open the door and follow my glaring uncle back to the dark hellhole of a room that I have the misfortune of calling my own. My arm is roughly grabbed and I'm turned around to face Uncle Vernon.

"Don't forget your place here freak. Never forget your place. You're unworthy of everything that my family has done for you. Nothing but a murderer, I should have gotten rid of you the day we found you at our doorstep. I was going to drown you in a river or toss you down an alley for the rats to eat; it's a pity I never got to. Don't you ever forget that it's the mercy of your aunt that kept you from dieing then. As long as you're here you're life is in my hands and if I ever think that you are too much of a threat… I'll punish you even if the rest of your freak people won't."

Uncle Vernon tightens his hold on my arm before twisting me around and pushing me inside. Like always I wind up tripping and landing on the floor. Sadly though it seems I haven't landed far enough into the room because the door, which my uncle always slams shut crashes into me.

"Hurry up! Get inside so I can close the door!"

Not that he'll give me enough time to move out of the way before bringing the door crashing back into me. Quickly as possible, when I fall each time I'm hit, I crawl further into the room. Finally the door slams shut and the door is locked as Uncle Vernon laughs on the other side. Forgoing the bed I stretch out as best I can and let my exhaustion catch up with me.

*****

Between the pains from the episode on my birthday to the beatings my uncle has given me I'd been unable to do little more then make sure Hedwig got to go out every night, but luckily after the third day the pain from my birthday completely vanished. Surprisingly taking with it the pain and physical evidence of the beatings. Deciding not to think too much about my good luck I thanked whatever god may be that I only have to deal with my exhaustion from lack of sleep and food now. After that I'd managed to stay awake long enough to open my presents and the yearly school letter.

From Hermione and Ron I got quite a bit or chocolates from Honeydukes and vague letters that told me nothing and not one comment on weather or not the Dursleys had been decent to me. The letter in fact was very impersonal and briefly I wondered if they had any reason to be upset at me. Well I hadn't written them… and I had been rather distant on the train ride back, but surely they weren't expecting me to be cheery or anything. As far as writing went, well I had nothing to write to them about so why should I? What was I going to tell them how the Dursleys were treating me? Not likely.

Sirius and Professor Lupin gave me a book on rare magical creature called _Splendid Isolation _by Sir Bouclé Goschen, it looks to be a really interesting book and I can only imagine that Professor Lupin would make sure that it's informative and fairly accurate. In a separate package Sirius gave me the book on animagis that he and my dad used to become animagis… well Wormtail too but he just doesn't count. I can't wait to look through the book, which is filled with notes. The letters they send me were the polar opposite of Hermione and Ron's. They both seemed very worried though Sirius made jokes through the whole thing and Professor Lupin kept telling me not to do anything foolish. They didn't mention where they are or what's been going on, but for some reason it didn't bother me like it did when Ron and Hermione had been obtuse with me.

The letter from Hogwarts wasn't much different then those of previous years. There are two new books that need to be purchased, _The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 5_, by Miranda Goshawk and _Defensive Theory_, by Wilbert Slinkhard. A letter from Dumbledore was also in the envelope saying that I won't be able to go to the Weasley's during the summer this year, far too dangerous after all. Oddly I felt relieved that I wouldn't have to go to the Weasley's this summer. It would be far too loud with too many people… too many happy people. The thought of having people ask me if I'm all right would get tiring after awhile. Add that to the act I'd have to put on in front of everyone and probably never get any time alone to just be. I love the Weasleys, but just the thought of having to do that makes my stomach not and my throat constrict making it hard to breath. I feel bad about being so relieved.

Hedwig's parcel turned out to be from the Weasley twins and it was filled with lots of pranks and a letter telling of the different effects of each and possible future pranks. Unlike their younger brother the twins decided to tell me more about the present situation. They'd moved to a safe location that for the moment had to stay undisclosed and Hermione had joined them about a week prior. There were also hints of bad news from the wizarding world. Something about me going dark and that they thought it was utter rubbish. The whole thing made me smile and I decided that I would miss the twins company this summer.

It's been about a week since my birthday and yesterday my aunt and uncle sprang a surprise on me. Turns out that my uncle was invited to a company seminar and his family was invited to come as well. The hotel that it is to be held at is out of town and the Dursleys decided that they'd leave me here lock in my room with a bit of extra food and a bucket with of course all doors locked. The day after they left I unlocked the door using the penknife Sirius had given me last Christmas and got ready to go to Diagon Alley to get my school supplies. Taking plenty of time to indulge in a hot shower and bandage my new wounds up. Unlocking the cupboard I grabbed a cloak, since the only robes I have are the school ones, my black pointed hat and my pouch of money. Changing into my best pair of Dudley hand me downs I grabbed the school letter, my wand, and put on my cloak. Hedwig seeing that I was leaving hopped onto my shoulder as I left the room.

Leaving the house a little past seven in the morning I made my way over to an alley sticking my wand into the air to summon the Knight Bus. Moments later the offensive purple bus popped into view and came to a stop in front of me as I put on my hat. Stan wasn't the one who came out this time but instead a different slightly older man started to make the introductions, but since there wasn't really a need to hear them I cut him off by handing him the eleven Sickles for the ride.

"Diagon Alley, please" I said walked past him making my way inside.

"Right sir. Well then you can take the set over here." The brunette hair man said as he led me to a seat in the back of the bottom floor on the bus. "The name is Evan Haworth and our driver is Ernie Prang. If you need anything just call, there are only two other people on the bus this morning so you'll not have a long wait." I nodded once in understanding and Evan went back up to the front of the bus as it started up with a bang.

The other two passengers were dropped off at their stops and one more was picked up. At last the bus finally came to a stop in front of the Leaky Cauldron and I checked to make sure that I hadn't set anything down before exiting the bus with a quick thank you and bye to Ernie and Evan. Hedwig hooted her thanks as I stepped off and the bus disappeared with another loud bang. She hadn't like the ride here at all and had nipped me fiercely every time the bus did something, which she found offensive. This of course left my ear very red and smarting horribly, for Hedwig found **everything **about the Knight Bus offensive, especially when I first laughed at her reactions.

I passed through the Leaky Cauldron quickly heading into the alley where the bricks were tapped in the required order and the wall folded away to reveal Diagon Alley. Unlike the previous times I'd been to Diagon Alley there weren't near as many people and this made walking to Gringotts much easier. Flattening down my bangs to make sure they covered my scar I walked up the steps before stopping abruptly before the door.

"Best if you wait for me out here Hedwig. If you didn't like the Knight Bus then you'll simply hate the rail carts that have to be ridden to get to the vaults." A hoot and soft nip to my abused ear was my response as Hedwig took to the sky. Smiling up at her I turned and made my way into the bank.

Stopping in front of a goblin I wait until he acknowledges my presences.

"How may I help you mister…?"

"Harry Potter and I'd like to withdrawal money out of my vault." My vault key is taken from me as it's handed to the goblin to inspect first.

"Right then Mr. Potter, Gradlaw shall escort you to your vault." The goblin at the counter hands the key to another goblin behind him who came out with a lantern.

"Come along Mr. Potter." Gradlaw says as he escorts me to the entrance of the underground tunnels.

The cart takes us to my vault where Gradlaw unlocks it and I remove the desired amount of Galleons, Sickles, and Knuts. Thanking Gradlaw as he hands me back my key once we exist the tunnels, I make may way from Gringotts slightly flushed from the cart ride.

I start towards Madam Malkin's Robes for all occasions as Hedwig lands onto my shoulder. Entering the shop from the slightly more crowded street I wait as Madam Malkin finishes with her only other customer. After he purchase his items and leaves she spots me and heads over.

"Well hello Harry dear. It's good to see you back. What'll you need today? New uniforms perhaps?"

"Yes the current ones I have are too short now, and I think I also need a new cloak the standard Hogwarts one."

"Alright, why don't you tell your owl to wait for you on that perch over there and I'll size you up." With a swish of her robes Madam Malkin heads over to get the things she needs for fittings and with out having to be told Hedwig goes to the owl perch earning a smile from both Madam Malkin and myself. "A lovely owl you have there Harry, now stand here, there you go and don't move too much please, what's your owl's name dear?"

"Her name is Hedwig, Madam. I've had her since I started Hogwarts and she is a very lovely owl indeed."

"She is rather beautiful, lift your arm dear and which shade of blue would you prefer, a snowy owl is she not?"

"Yes, she is a snowy owl."

"Well there you go all done! If you come back in a few hours your purchases will be ready, and do you think" Madam Malkin said quietly as she ran her fingers through my longer hair. "Do you think you might like a few ribbons to hold your hair back dear? I can only guess it'd get in the way while playing Quidditch, working on potions and doing other class work. Though it is absolutely stunning and so soft! I could pick out a few different ones if you like."

"I think that would be rather useful, thank you for your help Madam Malkin. I'll be back later to pick everything up then, how much will the order be?"

"Ah, yes come this way and I'll total everything up."

After paying for everything Hedwig and I leave the robe shop and head over to Flourish and Blotts. The two new schoolbooks I need are easily found and I decide to pick up a few more books. Since there has been little to do this summer reading through the schoolbooks that I retrieved from my trunk has been my only pass time that didn't involve nightmares, visions, beatings and other nasty things that are unpleasant to think about. It's no surprise that Hermione loves books so much they're a brilliant way to just get away from everything. Though I wonder if that's the reason Hermione likes to read or is it just because she wants to know as much as she can, probably not the first.

Looking through the books on defensive against the dark arts, two books stand out the most from the others. The first is _Miscomprehension:_ _Theory Behind the Dark Arts_, by Raven Malden and _Dark Curses and Their Counters_, by Professor Arleen S. Sanders. A quick flip through both show that they really are as good as they sound. I'm about to make my way over to buy the books that I've chosen when a section catches my eye.

Potions. A shiver racks through my body as I remember the potion Voldemort made to bring himself back. How many other potions or poisons could Voldemort use and I'd never know? Potions are most likely my greatest weakness, but because I've allowed them to become that. Not studying all those times I could and should have. Barty Crouch Having used the Polyjuice potion before and not recognizing any of the signs that were so blatantly there. I knew even more then Snape and Dumbledore, still the pieces never fell into place because I didn't think. Never would have thought potions could cause so many problems. Snape was right when he was going on and on in first year. He can teach all of us to do so many things if we just **listen**. Squaring my shoulder mentally I change directions and head over to the potions section. Slowly going through all the books I look for those best to teach what I need to know. _Identifying Potions and Their Effects_, by David Orwell, _Ingredient Properties_, by Samara Virden, and _Powerful and Potent Potions_, by Paul Padre all join the stack and with a resigned sigh I go and pay for my books.

The clerk gives me a few odd and suspicious looks when he spots the borderline defense books, but doesn't say anything leaving me free to pay with out uncomfortable questions.

Next stop is the Apothecary were all the ingredients I'll need to refill my potion kit are purchased along with boomslang skin, which has caused too much trouble in the past and seems to be used in some of the more interesting potions. Quite a few phials of Dreamless Sleep is also added to the items and I can't help but be incredibly happy at the thought of a restful dreamless sleep. Sounds too good to be true!

On my way to pick up more supplies for Hedwig I stop to get extra parchment, quills, ink and other vital necessities for class. Then the Owl Emporium where I get a few mice, a lot more dried meats, and owl treats for Hedwig.

Stopping in front of a pet shop the temptation to buy a snake over powers me till I realize that taking a snake to the Dursleys wouldn't be the brightest thing to do, not to mention there would be another mouth to feed and the snake couldn't possibly want to stay locked away. It would be cruel. 'Maybe though… maybe when I get to Hogwarts I'll buy one during a trip to Hogsmead.' The thought of having someone to talk to when ever who wouldn't judge me like people do. Someone like Hedwig, but whom can talk back. Oh, yes the temptation is defiantly there, but I'll wait till later at Hogwarts.

With that I head off to find a place that sells food that can be stored. Finding a place I quickly make my selections and pay for everything before heading back to Madam Malkin's where I pick up my cloths and get coddled some more and shown the array of ribbon she picked out before leaving.

It's late midday and having had so little to eat for so long I can't resist the pull that the Leaky Cauldron has on me so I settle myself in a corner where I can see everyone and can't be seen well.

"Hello, and what would you like today? A drink or perhaps some food?" Tom the bartender asks as he tries to get a better look at me.

"Whatever stew you recommend and pumpkin juice, please." This sent Tom away before he managed to get a good look and left me to get out some treats for Hedwig, which she ate with relish as my food was brought and I tucked in. I finished quickly and paid afterward making my way out of the Leaky Cauldron and summoning the Knight Bus again.

The ride back was peaceful and nothing happened to me as I made my way back to the Dursleys. Switching books that I've already read for the ones that I haven't and putting away the purchase I made as well as all the homework that had been finished and stashed away under the loose floorboard. I locked the cupboard back up and went back to my room; locking it and making the inside look as though I hadn't been out. Sliding open the boards on the window I sat down and started reading the new books I bought. The Dursleys would be back till some time tomorrow, but there was no way I'd take the risk of being caught out side my room when I'd been locked away.

*****

The Dursleys came back when planned and thankfully the whole thing had gone well for them so that Uncle Vernon had nothing to blame me for. He even skipped the beating that night and in the ones following he no longer hit me in places that could be seen meaning school will be starting soon. Between more food, less severe beatings, and restful sleep, the Dreamless Sleep worked wonders when it came to nightmares even if it did nothing against visions. Never again will I insult potions for they are blessing and curses in disguise. Well that's saying a bit much, but I am grateful for the just the same. Though it is amazing what can be done with them and the complete control they have over certain things. It's little wonder the control freak Snape is so immersed in them.

Visions from Voldemort come more frequently now and I thank all the gods that aren't there that I don't have to see the acts repeated in my dreams. The night I saw the Diggorys die tore at me. Cedric's parents tortured under the Cruciatus curse trying in vain to fight back and being to out numbered to stand a chance. Being taunted about the death of their only child and put under other dark curses that brought fire through their veins and blood from their pores before being driven insane, the now merciful killing curse being cast upon them. The only reason that the Diggorys were given for the attack was that the Dark Lord doesn't like his work being taken credit for by others, which made no since because no one in their right mind would take credit for any of the horrible nasty things that he's done.

That I put aside till later to think about, besides the rest of my things are going to take awhile to sneak downstairs and into my cupboard. The trips are made slowly so as not to wake the still slumbering Dursleys and when finally everything is as it should be the cupboard gets locked again. Back up the stairs and into the room that I'll not have to see for ten more months… far too soon in my opinion. My wand gets stashed into the folds of the over sized hand me down and Hedwig gets back into her cage and we sit and wait, none to patiently for Uncle Vernon to release me from this prison. Time passes in an unreal slowness and **finally** the locks click open and I wait the few more moments before getting up and going to the loo where I'm allowed to take a shower before I leave. Never to long of one though and I'm out and bandaging the wounds as best I can for the moment. Getting dressed into the muggle cloths I brush my teeth and exist the loo. After fetching Hedwig I go down stairs and wait for my uncle to come down so I can get my trunk out. Instead though he comes from the kitchen followed by Dudley who watches me viciously as Uncle Vernon unlocks the cupboard and I scramble to get my weighed down truck. Uncle Vernon pushes past me through the hall knocking me down and as I'm about to get up something hits me in the back of the head and I spin to see Dudley smiling viciously almost leering at me.

"Something to remember me by Harry." He says as he starts to walk by. Suddenly stopping he turns back, and that is defiantly a leer! "Oh, and daddy says I get to play with you next summer. Doesn't that sound like fun? I think so!" With that Dudley waddles upstairs and I have the urge to start screaming and never stop.

Not wasting any more time, wanting to leave this hellhole far behind, I drag my trunk out to the car with Hedwig's cage on top. My stuff gets tugged and pushed into the car trunk slipping as I push with all my might to get it inside as my uncle laughs at me and throws taunts. Finally it does in and I grabbed Hedwig's cage and quickly get inside not wanting to look at the smug smile on my uncle's ugly face.

The car starts and my heart gives a leap for joy as we pull out of the driveway. 'I'm leaving!' I scream mentally as I hide my face afraid a big smile will break out and I'll be hit for it.

"Boy!"

My head snaps up and my face drain of color as my uncle's angry countenance scares me senseless.

"Don't make me repeat my self! Is that understood?" He glares at me through the rear window and I nodded my head frantically.

"Ye – yes sir." Stuttering, gods I'm so disgustingly compliant to my relatives.

"You'll do well to remember not to tell anyone of what happens over the summer. You deserved everything you got and more. You don't deserve to live and you only burden those around you. Should have died with those worthless parents of yours boy. Don't you dare forget your place. By now you should know what will happen to you if you do forget, don't you freak? Yes I know you do and I'm sure you don't want to be reminded do you. Never forget what a dirty little worthless piece of filth you are. No one would ever truly care for you if they knew. Hell no one would care for you even if they don't, because you're not worth people's time and effort. You're certainly not worth mine! Do you understand?"

"Yes sir!" My god I don't need a reminder of how dirty I am!!

"Good. Don't you forget boy, not a soul may know."

"Of course Uncle Vernon I won't tell anyone anything." 'So happy so glad I don't have to go back to your house! Leave me alone, gods please!' He smiles at me and I see that leer! The leer Dudley had on his face and I know that leer and I know what it means. 'Bastard!' I want to scream that in his face along with other millions of things that I'll never say and whimper instead making him smile even more. I huddle around Hedwig's cage and wish he'd just look away from me. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him. My own little mantra I repeat to myself again and again as I wait to get away from this horrible muggle.

The car comes to a halt after what seems to be an eternity and I look up to see that some how I've made it back. In a few short hours the Hogwarts Express will leave Platform 9 ¾ and I'll be back at Hogwarts. 'Everything will be okay.' My heart speeds up again and I scramble out of the car and head toward the trunk, which was popped open from the inside. 'Lazy prick.' Then my trunk gets pulled, yanked, tugged and pulled some more till it come out of the car trunk. Making sure Hedwig is secure in her cage I find a near by cart and load both the trunk and her onto it and ignore Uncle Vernon's car speeding away. 'I hope he gets a ticket. Wait… no on second thought… no he'll blame it on me.' Sighing loudly I forget about my family for a moment and breath in the fresh outside air… well maybe not so fresh, but air from outside nonetheless. For now I'm free of them and maybe things aren't so bad after all. Making my way through the train station I just smile at all the odd looks people give me as I pass. 'Think I'm strange do you? You've no idea.' I can't help but be amused by such silly behavior and shake my head at their ignorance, not giving it a second thought once I see the barrier leading to that bright scarlet steam engine. 'I'm finally going home.'

**********

Comment and Criticism are welcomed and appreciated. Look at the four wonderful people that reviewed my story so far.

Tati1

Zorra Reed

Obvious

Angel74

A thank all of you and those who haven't commented but just read the story instead. By the way all questions that might possibly be brought up will be answered at the bottom of the next chapter to be posted.

Author Notes: Yay! I finally decided on a title for the series and part I. I was hit with the title of the series after I'd found the one for part I and looking for the one for part II. It's called Equilibrium and this is part one _chaunt du cygne. _50 point to whatever house for anyone who knows what it means. Chapter two will shortly be underway and as for the length I have no clue. Thank again for reading!


	3. Coming Night

Title: _Chaunt du Cygne_

Author: illusory

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and I'm just playing for my own amusement. I don't own anything except the little original things in this story and well the story it's self. Any spells, books, or original characters that I come up with are mine, please respect that.

Rating: R (I think not sure where the line is crossed)

Warning: This is pre-slash, but will not even show a hint of it (sorry). There will be violence, gore, angst galore, contemplative and attempted suicide, language, and death.

Author's Notes: Just so that everyone knows there will be many consistencies with the fifth book. I want to keep some of the tings that happened the same, but as you can already see there will be differences. Just to let you know I will be taking excerpts from the fifth book, such as the little speech Umbridge gives the Great Hall during the Sorting Feast.

Punctuation Notation:

_parseltongue_

Coming Night

* * *

After changing into my robes I settle into one of the back compartments with a book to wait for the train to start. I figure that it'll be awhile yet, seeing as I appear to be the only student on the train. Not that I mind. It gives me plenty of time to take care of the few still visible bruises and my haggard appearance with a well-placed concealment charm. Hedwig takes her place on my shoulder as I sit down to continue reading the book Sirius and Professor Lupin gave me for my birthday this year.

* * *

"Harry?" A soft voice startles me awake and I realize that I must have fallen asleep. The thought sends a shiver of cold dread down my spine. "Harry, are you alright?" It's Hermione sitting beside me with a hand on my shoulder and a concerned look in her eyes. 

Hedwig is gone, perched above on the racks.

"M'fine." I mange to say though my hands cover my face. I rub my eyes trying to dispense the groggy feeling of sleep and to gain time to recompose myself. She still looks worried and I can practically feel the self-restraint it must be taking her to remain silently perched beside me. I suddenly feel guilty for not having reassured her some how that everything was alight.

"Harry, why didn't you ever owl? You never sent any replies to the letters Hermione and I sent!" My gaze snaps from Hermione to Ron whose sitting forward in his seat across from me. He looks worried too, but defiantly extremely upset, almost trembling in his seat. Any guilt that I may have felt about not contacting Ron is quickly dissipated.

"Ron! You shouldn't scold Harry like that! I'm sure there is a perfectly good reason for why Harry couldn't get a hold of us. Right Harry?" Hermione's eyes plead me to say yes and just agree with her. She really does want to believe that I would owl if I could. My throat tightens while my gut clenches hotly in guilt for being so selfish. How could I have just ignored my best friends?

"I couldn't bring myself to owl anyone. I just wanted to forget for awhile and I'm sorry, but anything that I would have written would have been utter nonsense." It was as honest an answer I'm willing to give at the moment and I hope they'll accept it.

"Oh Harry, but it's not good to keep all those things to your self. You should know that Ron and I will always be there if you need us. We were worried about you and honestly I'd think that letters of some sort, no matter how nonsensical, would be a great deal better then nothing at all. For all we could have known the Dursleys may have had those horrible bars on your window again. Please don't shut us out Harry. I know we may not be able to understand what you're going through, but that doesn't mean we can't be there to help you." Hermione says before pulling me into a loose hug, gently rocking me back and forth while one of her hands runs soothingly on my back. Ron joins the hug and I'm blanketed in warmth. I must have been cold before, for my skin burns where their warmth seeps through; I relish the feeling.

"Well isn't this just precious." Draco Malfoy stands in the compartment doorway sneering down at us with his two cronies behind him.

Ron stiffens behind me and I turn to give him a look before laying my head back down on Hermione's shoulder.

"Yep Malfoy, I'd have to agree, it's rather the Kodak Moment." Hermione giggles and Malfoy just stares at me as though I've lost it. "You may leave now, Malfoy. Unless that is, there's something worthwhile you came to say. Wait scratch that. I forgot nothing you say is worth hearing. In that case feel free to escort yourself to another compartment, that is if you're able."

"Think you're something, don't you? Well you just better watch it Potter." Malfoy glances at Ron with a blank look before sneering at him. "You never know who might stab you in the back." With that Malfoy spins on his heels stalking off with Crabbe and Goyle following behind.

Ron stiffens against me. "What I wouldn't give to get that slimy bas…"

"Ron! You shouldn't say things like that. We don't need to sink to his level of mentality." Hermione tersely says while pulling us closer as though for reassurance that Ron and most likely I won't do anything rash.

"Besides Ron," I say quite sarcastically, "people like that normally get their comeuppance. You know the whole evil always loses thing and everyone's alright in the end." in hopes of turning the mood into something a bit more positive. Instead though I'm met with silence. Perhaps I said something wrong? I lift my head just enough to make out the expression on Ron's face. Well his shocked look quickly turns into a scowl and I realize that what I said isn't really something anyone would expect from Harry Potter the Boy-Who-Lived, Gryffindor's Golden Boy. Oops. Perhaps if I close my eyes and just wish it away they'll forget. Not likely, I let out a sigh and turn to look at Hermione. Eck, she's concerned and she has that look in her eyes that tells you she is going to get to the bottom of whatever the matter is.

"Harry, is something bothering you that you can tell us about?" Hermione asks gently.

"No, everything is fine, really it is. I was trying to lighten the mood a bit, you know?" I hadn't meant to get Hermione worried again and yet there she was worrying her worrying lip, a habit she'd formed over the years before she'd tricked Madam Pomfrey into fixing her teeth at the beginning of fourth year. The guilt is slowly crushing me. Out of my four years at Hogwarts these are the only two people whom I've really gotten to know and I care about them more then what's safe. They have risked so much for me over the years without once saying a thing about it. Yet still I can't do right by them in anyway. They trust me so much, but I still keep secrets from them and I worry them all the time. They're kids and deserve to have fun and enjoy life, but I always bring trouble wherever I go. I'm worthless. It seemed as though there is nothing that I could do right. Not even something as simple as this! I'm worthless.

"It's just that, well Harry the way you said it was kind of creepy. Umm… and just… well not something that I would think you'd say, mate." Ron stutters, trying to get his point across, and he does.

Oh, yes I understand that I'd hardly said something that people would expect The-Boy-Who-Lived to say, but it surely isn't that big of a deal, is it? Does it really matter so much that I should watch the things I say or else others might think there is something wrong with me? Well it's not as if I can really deny that things aren't quite right, but it still isn't that bad and nothing that I can't handle on my own.

"Well, no matter." Hermione says and after a moment, as though thinking upon what she should say, she goes on. "If something is really wrong or if you do need help I expect you'll tell us when you're ready, Harry." She pauses again and glances Ron's way as though waiting for something. I watch curiously as Ron nods his head and Hermione begins to talk once more. "There is something that you should know Harry, and I'm rather surprised that Malfoy hadn't mentioned anything about it, though I expect he will later. The Daily Prophet has been saying some truly awful things about you and they aren't the only paper; it seems that the Minister is hoping to discredit you and Professor Dumbledore. Minister Fudge has issued a series of statements that, well he's making it appear as though you're turning dark."

I stare blankly for a moment at Hermione. Surely I hadn't heard her right. She continues to look at me, nervous and a bit apologetic. Slumping in their embrace I let my head fall back and groan in dismay. Hermione is serious. It would figure that Fudge would do something like this. Getting my act together I pull my head up and look into Ron's eyes before turning to Hermione. "Do you know how people have responded to the…" I impatiently gesture my hand trying to find a word that encompasses all the damage Fudge has likely to have caused. "…well just everything!" I finally huff out in exasperation.

"There haven't been any articles on people's reaction, but I'm not sure Harry. All I know is what I get from the papers that I've subscribed to. I'm sorry." I can tell Hermione is frustrated with her inability to come up with a good answer and she pulls me closer. "I really am sorry Harry, but you know Ron and I don't believe any of that garbage and we'll be there for you."

"I've heard from my dad that reactions at the Ministry have been fairly mixed, but Harry there are many people who'll be convinced by the Minister. He kind of has some things on you that look pretty bad." Ron moves in closer to us as he says this but looks away from both Hermione and I.

"Ron?" Hermione questions, but Ron wouldn't turn to look at her. "Ron, what's wrong? Why won't you look at me?" She sits there looking intently at Ron a frown on her face. "What aren't you telling us?" She asks softly as she reaches out to him and gently soothes some of his bangs back. Ron clenches his eyes closed and flinches from her touch, which causes Hermione to hesitantly withdraw her hand.

"It's nothing. I just… wish this wasn't happening. I wish the Minister would just believe Harry. I wish people wouldn't so blindly believe Fudge." Ron trips on the words, but they were laced with sincerity and yet, are tense and stressed as though getting these things out are wearing on Ron. We sit there for a moment more before I decide that whatever is torturing Ron can be left to deal with later when he will hopefully be willing to tell us. With a huff I pull Ron back toward Hermione and I from where he'd shrunk away.

"It'll just take time for people to see the truth. After all Voldemort won't stay quite forever." Ron flinches at the name and Hermione shivers, but they both stay silent and let me continue. "Eventually he's going to do something that the Minister won't be able to cover up. He isn't one to let others take credit for his handy work for long. After he has enough of his forces gathered, he _will_ make his show. Till then we have to wait and hope that something will come up and we can expose him or better yet get rid of him altogether." Ron perks up a bit and finally turns to face us.

"That's right he'll not stay hidden forever. So it's just a matter of time, right? Before you know it people will find that the Minister is lying and then no one will believe you're going dark." Ron looks so happy. I didn't really say anything comforting. People believe what they want to believe and chances are that just like in second year people will think that I'm going dark. This isn't the first time and I doubt it's the last, but if it makes Ron feel better then I'm not going to be the one to break the truth to him.

"Ron…" Hermione begins before she trials off. "Ron! We're going to be late!" That's a surprise. What's Hermione talking about.

"Late for what?" Ron and Hermione are already getting up and getting their onboard bags together. They both stop and turn toward each other before turning back to me. Ron is blushing brightly and Hermione is worrying at her lower lip again.

"I'm sorry we forgot to tell you Harry, but you see Ron and I were chosen to be the Gryffindor fifth year prefects and there's supposed to be a meeting that we have to attend."

"Yeah, we knew we had some time because it isn't scheduled till a little after the train leaves the station, but the train left awhile ago and we didn't notice till now."

"We'll be back if there's any time left after the meeting, Harry." They say all this quickly, picking up where the other left off. I sit in stunned silence; I'd completely forgot that they picked prefects for fifth year. Too many other things were on my mind I guess, though I'm a bit surprised that Ron is a prefect. I instantly feel bad for thinking that and smile up at my friends. "Does this mean that we'll be able to get away with more things now that the two of you are prefects?" I turn my tentative smile into a toothy grin and Ron brightens up immediately and Hermione merely shakes her head and rolls her eyes in exasperation.

"So you don't mind us being prefects?" Ron asks with a hopeful tinge lacing his voice. I feel doubly bad for my previous thoughts and get up and give Ron a pat of the back and smile.

"Of course I don't mind the two of you being prefects! How could I?"

"Well I always thought you'd be the one who'd get chosen to be a prefect." Ron says hesitantly.

"Nope couldn't imagine myself as one. I mean after all I've gotten into too much trouble over the years to become a prefect. Now, aren't the two of you late for a meeting?" That gets Hermione's attention and she grabs Ron by the collar and pulls him toward the door.

"See you later Harry!" She says as she drags a stunned Ron behind her.

I chuckle at their antics and close the door behind them. The compartment is suddenly very silent and I look around it for the first time since Hermione had awoken me. It's rather bare and empty, and Hedwig is still perched above on one of the racks. She stares at me intently for a moment before gliding down and landing on my shoulder. A sigh escapes me and I sit myself back down. Pulling out my wand I cast a spell on the door and ward it so that only Ron and Hermione may enter. With that out of the way I pick up the fallen book, _Splendid Isolation_, and continue reading. It not only contains information about rare magical creature, but also about powerful magical beings that are seldom seen and not always of this realm.

I quickly became absorbed in the book till the trolley lady comes by with sweets and I decided to take a break and buy a few Cauldron Cakes and Pumpkin Pastries. At the last moment I get a few Chocolate Frogs for Ron and Licorice Wands for Hermione, she always likes to suck on them while reading of working on her schoolwork though personally I prefer Sugar Quills. I pull out a few owl treats and watch as Hedwig devours them greedily, which causes me to chuckle.

"I know you're glad that we don't have to ration food anymore, but slow down Hedwig before you choke." She barely spares me a glance before going back to eating. I shake my head and bite into a Pumpkin Pastry. My eyes slide closed and I let out a slight moan. If there is one thing that should always be appreciated in life, it's food. I glance at Hedwig again and I swear her eyes laugh at me. I just stick my tongue out at her and continue to eat in silence.

The train ride passes quickly as I eat my sweets and continue reading my book. Before I know it the Hogwarts Express pulls to a grinding stop in front of the train station just outside of Hogsmead. Ron and Hermione have yet to return and I suppose they might be waiting for me at the horseless carriages. So I put away my book and the sweets I got for my friends. Hedwig stays on my left shoulder and I swing my bag onto my other one. The wards fall apart with a flick of my wand and I exit the compartment door. The hallway is busy with the commotion of people leaving their compartments and I silently slip through the crowd trying to go unnoticed. This is one of those times when I'm thankful of my small stature. People don't notice as I make my way though.

I arrive at the carriages without incident and quickly look around for Hermione and Ron. As my gaze sweeps across the area something tethered to the carriages captures my attention.

Huge horse like creatures with strangely dragon heads are tied to the carriages. One of the animals shakes its reptilian head to and fro. Muscles bunch and tense throughout its powerful body and it flicks large leathery wings impatiently in the air snapping at a child who momentarily steps to close. But the jaws snap at nothing but air as the child moves away just as quickly not once turning to look at the looming creature above. The creature swishes its head in further irritation, causing a long silky black mane to whip about, as more children run wildly around it. Still though no one takes notice of the irate creature and they continue on.

There's no doubt that these creatures with their distinct features are anything other then thestrals, which I've read about shortly in the book the Sirius and Professor Lupin had gotten me. Found mainly in the forests of cool and moist climates. 'Only those whom have seen the face of death may lay eyes on them and truly see.' The book had explained that only those who have seen death can see a thestral, which would explain why the students don't notice any of them.

Calm settles upon the creature and for a moment it totally stills all movement, wings still arched toward the evening sky. Its head slowly moves, not another muscle twitching, its powerful slim head turns my direction. Obsidian eyes stare blankly at me and I'm frozen still, all other things around seem to fade into nothing.

"Beautiful, aren't they?" A quite voice drifts slowly through my mind.

The thestral blinks and I blink. It turns away and continues its irritated snapping at passing children.

"I've not met anyone else who's been able to see them. Though I suppose I shouldn't be surprised. After all I believe you about what happened at the end of the Triwizard Tournament last year."

My head snaps quickly to the soft voice at my side. There I see a Ravenclaw girl about my age gazing longingly at the tethered creatures. Long flaxen hair rustles in the slight breeze, shimmering gold and red strands appear as the setting sun shines lightly on her. Light sky blue eyes turn toward me framed by flowing hair and a gentle heart shaped face. Bottle caps dangle from her ears in some imitation of earrings and she smiles softly at me. None of that matters though. I'm much more interested in what she'd just said.

"So, you believe that Voldemort's back?" I ask softly, almost afraid to speak too loudly at the calm girl in front of me, whose eyes widen at my words.

"So you say his name with no fear? Yes, I do believe you. How could I not? The Daily Prophet and all those other papers and magazines have no idea what the truth is." She smiles happily closing her eyes for a brief moment as though savoring something or truly in joy over something. She looks back at the creatures and giggles slightly. "Aren't they beautiful though? "

I too look back upon the tethered animals and the one in particular that had caught my eye earlier. It's shaking the carriage tied to it and the students make sure to not enter the mysteriously moving carriage. It really does seem as though no one can see them. Again the creature stops for a moment and looks at me briefly before thrashing about the carriage behind and causing its companion to sway slightly in its position. The powerful muscles bunch and strain as the creature becomes more agitated when student try to enter the moving carriage.

"We really should be getting on a carriage before they all leave." Beside me the girl sighs and starts walking toward the few carriages left.

I snap out of my daze and hurry after her. Some more students fill up the carriages scattered around and they take off. There's only this one left with the still thrashing creature. Two children stand to the side staring apprehensively at the rocking carriage. They almost look as though they could be first years, but they have their house badges pinned on their robes showing Slytherin on the boy and Ravenclaw on the little girl. They stand there holding hands and glance at the older Ravenclaw girl and I as we come over with twin sapphire stares. They look to be twins, both with chestnut brown hair,standing at nearly the same height.

"Come Emma, we can't be late." The older Ravenclaw girl addresses the small one grabbing her hand as she walks past pulling both the children along.

"Bu… but Luna! Look at that… that thing attached to the carriage! It won't stop moving the carriage and it looks so upset and mean!!" The little girl struggles a little to get away from… Luna. The boy just scowls at Luna before turning and glowering at me.

"Potter isn't coming with us is he?" He plaintively asks Luna as she drags them along a smile on her face the whole time.

"Yes, he is."

We reach the carriage and the creature stops thrashing for a moment to watch Luna, Emma and the little boy, before shifting its stare to me. We lock gazes and the world starts to funnel down to nothing again. A hand waves in front of my face breaking whatever daze I was in. Luna looks at me with concern in her eyes and glances at the creature before turning back to me.

"Come on Harry let's get inside the carriage." Luna grabs my hand with her other one and leads us toward the carriage.

The thestral watches us till we reach the door and as the little boy and girl began to climb the steps the creature starts thrashing violently again. Emma, who was already inside is thrown back into the interior of the carriage and the little boy quickly latches on to the wildly swinging carriage. Luna and I watch aghast as the child is jerked horribly forward and loses his grip and smacking into the side of the carriage. When the carriage rocks back I rush forward from where I'd backed away as he's thrown off the steps. I catch him just in time before he hits the ground. The weight throws me back a little and I trip, falling with a thump on the ground the child sprawled on top me. I turn toward the creature and glower at the wayward thestral.

_Stop this immediately!_ I demand in an angry hiss. Parseltongue, I hadn't meant to say in that language, but it just came out. The thestral stops though and turns to stare at me. Our gazes lock again, but this time I refuse to fall into the nothingness that claws at the edges of my sight.

_What are you that can speak in this tongue?_ It hisses at me skeptically. The ebony eyes swirl in some unknown emotion and the thestral stomps one of its hooves when I don't answer immediately.

_What do you mean, what am I?_ I reply, confused at the thestral's meaning.

The weight on top of me shifts and I glance down at the little boy, who really isn't as little as I had though. Well at least not compared to me. He lefts his head and looks around unsettlingly till his gaze meets the thestral.

_What creature are you, for no human speaks the language of the snakes._ The hissing vibrates through me sending a shiver down my spine.

When the thestral spoke the little boy backed up into me and turned around while I let my eyelids drop leaving them open just enough to see the creature in front of me. I know the child is staring at me, but at the moment I can't be bothered enough to care.

_But I am human. One that can speak the language we call Paseltounge, the language of the snakes._ I hiss back in reply letting the syllables glide slowly out of my mouth.

There is movement from inside the carriage and both the thestral and I turn to watch as the little Ravenclaw crawls toward the door. From where she sits leaning against the doorway I can see a trickle of blood running down the side of her face. I grab the child on top of me and stand up as quickly as I can, carrying the boy with me. Luna has already made it to Emma's side and as she wipes away the blood with a handkerchief, I turn once again toward the thestral.

_You'll not move as we tend to the children?_ Though I ask this of it, I put a commanding edge to the question letting it know that there isn't a choice.

_I'll let you tend to the children in peace, childe. But then we talk._

I nod once in agreement and turn back setting the little boy just inside the carriage.

"I don't want to be in here and you shouldn't leave Emma on the carriage while that thing is still attached to it!" The Slytherin snaps at me when I set him down.

"The thestral won't shake up the carriage anymore so you needn't worry." The child frowns at me, but I ignore him in favor of helping Luna with his sister.

Lightly I take the child's chin and move her head to the side to get a good look at the wound. There's a slight gash along her hairline and it travels down to her eyebrow. It isn't that bad, but since it's a head wound its bleeding quite a bit. I take out my wand planning to use a clotting spell that I'd read about in one of the potion books. There are two parts to it. The first is the spell, which will stop bleeding by forming a thin but strong blood clot over the wound; its incantation is _casein_. The second step is the potion, which dissipates the blood clot and closes the wound at the same time on such a level that there won't be any scaring unless the wound is massive in which case a healer or mediwitch would be needed.

"What do you think you're doing?!" An outraged voice cries and a hand grabs my arm so that I can't point my wand.

The carriage moves a little and I turn to look at the thestral and see it staring at the little Slytherin who froze the moment the thestral moved. He stares at the thestral with an apprehensive look on his face. The child was the one to grab my arm.

_Is the human threatening you?_ Hisses the thestral in obvious aggravation.

For a moment I just stare blankly at the thestral not quite sure I heard it right. Why would it care if the child is threatening me?

_No the child is not threatening me. He is no doubt just worried about his sister._ I pause for a moment unsure if I should say more, slightly afraid I might be stepping out of bounds if I do. _You have no need to worry._ I'll take my chances that I might offend the thestral's sensibility. Better, that then have a jumpy thestral.

_Then hurry childe the day wanes into night and it is not always safe out in the open when night falls._

I nod once and turn to the little Slytherin. He turns reluctantly away from the thestral to face me once the thestral turns from us. The child glares at me though and I sigh in frustration.

"I'll not have you pointing your wand at my sister." He says his voice hard and determined.

I raise an eyebrow and he intensifies his glare. He has nothing on Snape or either of the Malfoys for that matter.

"Perhaps Harry means to help Emma." A soft voice says at my side and we both turn to look at Luna.

"Why can't you?" The Slytherin asks.

"I unfortunately do not know of any spells that might help."

"We're wasting time. All I'm going to do is use a spell that will stop the bleeding, which needs to be done because she's losing a lot of blood." I'll try reasoning with logic. Even a Slytherin should be able to understand that. For a moment, I wait, making my stare as weighty as possible as the Slytherin tries to tell if I'm speaking the truth.

"How do I know you aren't lying?"

"Why would I be lying?" I try to keep my frustration in check. His sister needs the bleeding to be stopped. She's already lost a lot of blood as is and her eyes are starting to get an unfocused look. The child glances at his sister and I know he's noticed his sister's condition too.

"Fine, but you better not try anything, Potter."

Merlin help me a twelve year old is telling me what to do! I don't waste my time though and turn back to Emma as her brother lets go of my arm.

"_Congelo!_" I say with the appropriate flick of my wand.

The wound starts to change from the shiny bright red of blood to dark dull brown of dried blood. Luna whispers a cleaning charm that gets rid of all the blood and I leave Emma in the care of her brother and Luna.

Cautiously I approach the thestral where it stands waiting beside another like wise tethered thestral. Now that I'm closer, I can note differences between the two. The one, which has been causing all the trouble, is a fair bit taller and more graceful in the way it moves. There is also a scar on the side of its neck that I hadn't seen earlier. It's an old scar from the looks of it, but it must have been a deep and serious wound. Its eyes are also a deeper richer ebony then the other thestral, which stares dimly ahead barely sparing me a glance as I come to stand in front of the other thestral.

_Is the injured child taken care of?_

The question catches me off guard. I didn't think that the thestral cared that its actions had hurt Emma.

_Yes, she should be fine, but we need to get her to the infirmary so that Madam Pomfrey can do something about the amount of blood she has lost. Are you willing to take us to the castle?_

_I prefer to be asked whether or not I'll pull someone as though I were nothing more then a horse. Since you have I don't have a problem with helping you out. I have a question for you though, childe._

_What is it that you would like to know?_ I didn't think that it would be that easy to get the thestral to take us up to the castle.

_What are you called by little one?_

I stand there and blink at it for a moment. It tilts its head and stares steadily at me. That's all it wants to know?

_My name is Harry Potter, you may call me Harry if you want though._

It nods its reptilian head once and then lowers its head to where it can stare directly into my eyes.

_I have something to ask in return._

I knew that had been too easy. _What is it that you would have of me?_

_Only that you find me once you have the chance when at the castle. Speak to the one that is not wholly human and lives on the edge of the dark forest. He will know how to find me._

That's not totally unreasonable. _I will do as you ask of me._

It moves its head closer and I freeze. When it gets close enough it nudges the side of my head softly. I hear it let out a puff of breath, like it's scenting me before it draws back. As its head passes by I notice for the first time its teeth. They're like fangs, but rows of sharp teeth and for a moment an image of a dragon flashes in front of me eyes. Yes, its muzzle is like a dragon's and briefly I hope never to be on the receiving end of a thestral's anger.

_Now go little one and get the injured child to your Madam Pomfrey._

With that the thestral nudges me again, this time pushing me in the direction of the carriage. I go happily and turn back around before getting inside.

_Thank you for taking us._

The thestral looks at me for a moment before giving a graceful nod. I turn around to face the others waiting just outside the carriage.

"Well lets get going. We'll have t stop by the infirmary to let Madam Pomfrey take a look at Emma and … um…" I turn to look at the Slytherin boy. "I don't believe I caught your name."

The boy just glares at me instead. But luckily Luna takes pity on me.

"His name is Adrian Dobbs and his sister is Emma Dobbs they're twins. This is also their second year at Hogwarts." Luna gives me a gentle smile and I smile back before turning to Adrian.

"We need to get both of you to Madam Pomfrey."

"I can get Emma there by myself. I don't need your help, Potter."

The boy sits there glaring at me and with a shrug of my shoulder I turn away. If he wants to be stubborn that's just fine. Unless one of the professors has noticed that we're missing, Luna and I will have to get the two of them to the infirmary. It's not as though the boy could even get there by himself. He had hit his head against the carriage hard enough to be knocked unconscious for a moment. I'm not about to let him go off on his own.

"What do you think of the articles that have been written over the summer, Harry?" Luna asks me in that soft and gentle voice of hers.

That's awfully blunt. "Since I have to have read any of them I'm choosing to reframe from judging, but from what I've heard about them from my friends, the articles are garbage."

Luna smiles at my reply and Adrian continues glaring at me tucking his sister's head below his head and hugging her tightly.

"What part do you find garbage Potter? The part that says your turning dark or the part that all but accuses you of killing Diggory. Or better yet, that you're going stark raving mad."

Luna stops smiling. I feel my face go suddenly blank. The look I always have around the Dursleys so they can't tell how I really feel.

"I'd have to say I find the whole lot complete and utter rubbish. It's not really surprising either considering that most of the information is coming from Fudge." I know my voice is emotionless and that it won't help any, but I want to rant about what really happened so bad that the want become a heavy weight as the back of my throat.

He stops glaring at me.

"You aren't quite like I had thought you'd be, Potter."

"And what did you think I'd be like." I continue in the emotionless monotone for safety's sake.

"A prejudicial and hypocritical Gryffindor for one, and I thought you'd be stupid too or at the very least dense. And if nothing else I thought you'd act like a Gryffindor."

That is surprisingly unexpected. I'm supposed to be acting like the perfect Gryffindor, yet this little Slytherin says that I'm not. I'm going to have to work on that then. Can't have me being anything other then the perfect Gryffindor, after all I'm Harry Potter. I have to be the perfect little Gryffindor and defect Voldemort and all that other rubbish. I don't want to though. I'm tried of this act.

"And what makes you think that I act like anything other then a Gryffindor?"

"No Gryffindor would calmly have a conversation with any creature that speaks Parseltongue as though it were the most natural thing to do. On top of that you've helped me and I'm a Slytherin in case you're blind, Potter. I never thought I'd live to see the day a Gryffindor helped a Slytherin in anyway. And what makes the least sense is that you have far too much control of your facial expression. You've managed to stay calm no matter what I've said to you. Gryffindors aren't necessarily known for their fabulous control of their temper, more like they're known for their lack there of control. Do I really need to give you more examples then these, Potter."

"Not all Gryffindors have a temper."

"You've never been known to control yours in front of your friends. I wonder are you trying to hide something from them?"

That hit way too close to home for my comfort.

"Not to mention your comment on the Minister is to be commended." Adrian says this with a sneer on his face and I'm really not sure whether or not to take what he says at face value any more.

"What is it with you Slytherins? I swear you have some kind of cynicism complex!" Merlin the child can be as annoying as Malfoy!

"As interesting as this conversation is, which it is. We're about at the entrance to the castle." Luna interrupts us before things can go any further.

Sure enough when I turn to look out the window there Hogwarts is in all her glory with the streaming banners hung from the tower points and the inside all a glow with warm firelight. The moon is absent from the sky above, but the stars play brilliantly in the sky almost making up for the lost moonlight.

The carriage comes to a stop at the main entrance and I move to help the two children out of the carriage and down the steps. Adrian lets me help him out and as I move to grab Emma from Luna he sways where he stands and I rush to catch him as he falls. Gently I lower him to the ground.

"Let me help Luna with your sister and then we can go into the castle, okay?" I ask gently. I shouldn't have gotten so upset at the kid earlier. He probably feels horrid and I wasn't making it any better.

"Sure, Potter. Whatever let's just get Emma to Madam Pomfrey as fast as we can." He's sweating and he's paled. That must have been some hit. I can't help but wince in sympathy. I know the feeling.

Luna carries Emma on her back and I pick up Adrian and let him rest his head on my shoulder. We start walking up the stairs and I'm so glad that I'm finally here. At Hogwarts. In the end I don't think it matters what I have to go though just as long as I can come back here in the end.

_Harry._

I stop and turn to look at the thestral.

_I am known as Cimmerian, childe._

I nod once and then the thestrals take off toward the side of the castle. Luna and I continue on our way up the stairs careful not to jostle the children more then necessary. We enter into the hall and make our way toward the infirmary. It doesn't take anywhere near as long as I'm sure it should have taken to arrive at the ward. We quietly make are way inside and see Madam Pomfrey bustling around putting things in order for the school year. She hears us enter and looks up in surprise. The surprise fades and she moves over to Luna and I as we take the twins over to the beds.

"What happened?" Madam Pomfrey wastes no time and begins checking over first Emma and then Adrian as the sit next to each other on one of the beds.

"When we were getting into one of the carriages one of the thestrals started thrashing. Emma was already inside and Adrian was on the stairs. Emma must have hit something inside the carriage, but Adrian hit his head on the outside of the carriage before being thrown off the steps." Luna explained to the busy mediwitch.

"What spell did you use to close up the wound?" Madam Pomfrey asked as she went back to Emma checking over the wound again.

"It's a spell called, Casein." I tell her.

She stops what she's doing. "You know how to use that spell?"

"Yes, I figured It would be the best spell to use in that situation."

"It is. You know where my potions storage is Mister Potter?"

"Yes, Madam Pomfrey."

She glances once at me then nods her head in the direction of the storage area. "Then go get me the potion that will complete the spell Mister Potter."

Immediately I head over to the potion storage area and open it to find a very extensive array of potions all stocked and categorized neatly with clear labels. They aren't however organized by names, but rather uses, which makes sense. That way Madam Pomfrey could come in and see everything she has in stock for any certain treatment in order to pick the best possible option. I make my way over to the right section and start looking for the brown potion with red swirls. It's hardly within arms reach, but I manage to just barely grab it and head back outside once I take one last look at the extensive array of potions.

Madam Pomfrey has Adrian and Emma lying down in separate beds. I take the potion over to Madam Pomfrey who glances at it once before going over to Emma and severing her a portion of it. After a few moments the wound begins to close itself till nothing can be seen of it.

"Madam Pomfrey, will we be able to take the children down to the feast?" Luna asks from where she sits at the foot of Emma's bed.

The mediwitch looks over the children again and then turns to Luna. "Miss Dobbs will have to spend the night here seeing as she lost a fare amount of blood and needs a chance to recover. It's fortunate that she didn't lose anymore more. Mister Dobbs should be fine though and as long as he doesn't excite himself too much I don't see why he can't enjoy the feast."

"I don't want to leave without Emma. I'm going to stay here until she gets released." Adrian replies, a stubborn lilt to his voice letting us all know he is prepared to argue with us if we say no.

"Adrian." Luna begins only to have him glare viciously at her. "We're not saying that you shouldn't stay here with your sister, but I do think that you should come to the Great hall if only for a moment to reassure your friends and your head of house that you're alright. I'm sure Emma's head of house would feel better too if he saw you because at least he'd know that Emma isn't in any serious danger if you're there. Afterward you can come straight back. I'm sure Madam Pomfrey wouldn't mind at all."

The boy actually stopped and considered what Luna had told him before answering. With a quick glance at his sister he turned to Madam Pomfrey.

"You will let me stay with Emma, won't you?"

"If Professor Snape doesn't mind I don't see why you can't stay with your sister, but only if you go and eat something, you better eat something Mr. Dobbs I'll know if you don't." The mediwitch says as she shacks her finger at Adrian making sure he takes her serious. "Now the lot of you get out of here and head to the feast. I'm sure your friends are wondering where you are."

Luna grabs a hold of Adrian and the three of us made our way out of the infirmary ward. The walk to the Great Hall is quick and before I know it we're standing in front of the double doors. I pause at the doors hesitant to enter. I know that we're going to be the center of attention when we walk in and I don't want to enter knowing all those people will be staring. Maybe it would be better to go to Gryffindor tower and wait for everyone. Or maybe I could go down to the kitchens and visit with Dobby.

My stomach tightens in knots and I think I might get sick. I really don't want to go in there knowing that they'll all turn to look. Merlin, who knows how the professors will react. Snape will probably come sweeping down like the over grown bat that he is and chew my head off. Not a pleasant thought.

But I don't get a chance to choose because Luna swings open the doors and grabs our hands tugging both the reluctant Slytherin and I inside.

Silence descends upon the hall and withers upon those inside like a living thing as Luna continues to tug the both of us inside till the doors swing shut behind. She turns around to face us, finally letting go of our hands. Adrian rubs his hands on his robes and glowers darkly in irritation.

"Perhaps I'll see the two of you later." Luna smiles that peaceful smile at us. "Take care of your sister, Adrian." With a swirl of robes Luna turns and goes the Ravenclaw table.

Adrian just shakes his head and walks off. I decided that that's my cue and walk briskly over to the Gryffindor table looking for Ron and Hermione. They're down by the end. Did they deliberately pick the end furthest from the door? Either way they quickly make room and I slide in a quickly as I can, though defiantly not gracefully.

"Where were you?" Ron hisses in my ear as I try not to look at anyone and focus on the returning noise.

I look up glancing around. Luna is sitting next to… Cho. She looks upset and Luna is just laughing. Cho glares in my direction and I quickly look away. Adrian is still standing. I look closer and see that Crabble is holding his arm as Malfoy speaks to him. The second year is openly glaring at Malfoy and he says something before wrenching away from the burly Slytherin's grasp. Adrian walks away from Malfoy and his cronies, but even though his head is held high and he sneers to the world in general I can see the fine tremor of his slight frame. Whatever Malfoy said was enough to shake up the small Slytherin.

"Harry." I turn to look at Ron who sits like he's waiting patiently for something.

"What is it, Ron?"

"Didn't you hear me?" He looks confused. A bit upset.

Oh, yes. I remember now. "It's kind of a long story. I'll tell you later."

Ron doesn't look too happy at that, but he nods anyway and goes back to his food.

"Oh Harry, but you missed the Sorting Hat's song." Hermione whispers to me as though it's a big secret.

"And. It's not the first time I've missed the song."

Ron snorts beside me.

"Hopefully you didn't get into a ruddy awful miss like we did that time." Ron says around a mouth full of food.

"Ron, don't talk with your mouth full." Hermione snaps irritably at him.

He just swallows and sticks his tongue out at her. Hermione puffs up like she's about to start in on another rant on manners.

"Hermione why are you so worked up over the song. I know it's different every year, but surely there couldn't have been anything that interesting."

She quickly deflates as her focus shifts from Ron's mannerism to the Sorting Hat's song.

"Well you simply should have been here. It was singing about unity between all the houses. Saying that to stay strong and not crumble the houses have to unite."

"Bloody rubbish."

"Ron shut up." Hermione snaps at Ron and then turns back to me with that look she get when she's really intent on something. "And then after the sorting Nearly Headless Nick came by and told us that the hat occasionally giving warning and advice in times of danger. I'm wondering if the hat means that we'll have to unite and stand as once against You-Know-Who in order to win the war."

"Voldemort." I mutter under breath as Hermione rabbles on. I wish the two of them would get over saying his name. I mean I can kind of understand why Ron has a hard time saying it, but really he grew up fearing Voldemort's name. Hermione didn't she should be able to say it. At least she doesn't flinch when I say it like Ron does.

Hermione continues to ramble on about unity and I tune her out taking this time to look around at the students and professors. The first years look even smaller this year and are huddled in their little groups at each of the tables. Luna is talking to another girl beside her and Cho is glaring at her plate. I look down the head table. Professor Dumbledore is twinkling away and munching on his food while holding what looks to be a lively conversation with Professor McGonagall. There's someone new sitting on Dumbledore's left. A short little squat lady with curly hair and a hideous black velvet bow on top, her face is broad and flabby, and set in it are round slightly bulged eyes and a slack mouth. It, I mean she, reminds me of the toads we use for potion ingredients, pale and kind of dead looking. A sickeningly sweet smile stretches across her face and the insincerity of it makes me want to gag. Merlin, she's going to be our DADA professor this year isn't she?

I'm starting to believe that the position is cursed, but not cursed in the way most people think. Personally I think that the position attracts fucked-up individuals. The only exception is Professor Lupin; well almost he isn't exactly normal. Yeah he is kind of fucked-up, but not like the others were.

"Harry."

Umm… Hermione. Right, I'm listening. "Yes?" I turn to her with an attentive expression on my face. Maybe she'll believe that I was still listening to her.

"Harry I've been calling you for awhile. Are you alright?"

So much for her falling for my marvelous acting. "Yes, I'm perfectly fine." Sarcasm. Yay.

"You should eat something." She starts putting food on my plate and I just stare down at it blankly. That's too much.

"I know you won't… can't eat it all, but try to eat a little. You need to and it'll make me feel better. I hate seeing you go back there every summer, but I'm going to make sure you're all right when I can. That means making sure you eat something, because I know you need to get back into the habit of actually eating meals. So eat. At least a little, if only to make me better."

Well it's times like these that you appreciate that your friends know you so well. Yet at the same time it kind of horrifies me that Hermione can know so much or maybe know so well and that makes me wonder what else she might know. I just nod my head though and spear a carrot on my fork. I've never really cared much for vegetables, but don't get me wrong. I'll eat them, I'll eat almost any type of food, but I know that I haven't had any vegetables since before summer. That can't be good can it and it's not as though I have a choice. Hermione only gave me vegetables. Oh, wait sorry. There are a few small pieces of meat. My mistake. I eat the multi colored vegetables anyway. In small bites, so it takes awhile to finish one piece. I practically nibble at them. Slowly. Hermione rolls her eyes and I grin at her. Ron's still woofing down his food and I have to look away or else I'll be sick. How in Merlin's name can he eat so quickly?

The food on the table begins to disappear and in its place appears all sorts of desserts. I know Ron is going for the Treacle Fudge and I carefully look in the opposite direction. At Hermione who sits there frowning at the sweets. She serves little bits of what I know are her favorites and sits there slowly enjoying them. I know she enjoys getting away from her parents strict control on foods and most importantly sweets.

I look down at my plate at all the remaining food and frown. I'm already full and I haven't had any sweets yet. That okay, I guess. Sweets are good, but too much of a good thing can be bad. I've had way too many sweets over the summer because they keep better them regular food. So I nibble on my vegetables a little more and then on the meat before I push the food aside and wait for the others to stop stuffing them selves.

Finally the sweets begin to disappear and conversations trickle to a halt. The entire Great Hall sits silently gazing attentively up at the rising headmaster.

Dumbledore begins his spiel as he does every year about the forest and other announcements till he reaches the introduction of the new 'staffing'.

"We are pleased to welcome back Professor Grubbly-Plank, who will be taking Care of Magical Creatures lessons; we are also delighted to introduce Professor Umbridge, our new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher."

There was a brief round of polite applause, but the three of us exchanged worried glances. He hadn't said how long Professor Grubbly-Plank is going to be teaching.

"Tryouts for the House Quidditch teams will take place on the…"

Dumbledore stops speaking and looks curiously down at Professor Umbridge. For the life of me I can't quite figure out why Dumbledore stopped talking, but Professor Umbridge made some odd noise that sounds like "_Hem, hem,_" and I realize that the toad, excuse me, the professor had risen from her chair and looks as though she is intending to make a speech.

Dumbledore has a look of surprise upon his face for a moment before he sits down and gazes at her as though he wants nothing more then to listen to her talk. The other professors look none to pleased with this development and almost all the students are smirking. This women is obviously hasn't a clue as to how things are done at Hogwarts.

"Thank you Headmaster," The toad like women simpers in a high-pitched sugary voice. Personally I'm a bit taken aback. I thought she was going to croak like an oversized toad. "For those kind words of welcome." How fake. Her voice has taken on an almost breathy quality to it. I don't even know anything about her and I'm beginning to loathe her. "Hem, hem" She makes that stupid little sound again. "Well, it is lovely to be back at Hogwarts, I must say!" She smiled, revealing pointed teeth. "And to see such happy little faces looking back at me!"

I can't help but look around to see if what she says is anywhere near true. It isn't, in fact they all looked rather stunned at being addressed in such a condescending manner. She has to be blind not to realize that this isn't the best way to go about being liked as a teacher.

"I am very much looking forward to getting to know you all, and I'm sure we'll be good friends!"

I exchange looks with Ron and Hermione, and I know others are doing the same thing. This is absolutely ridiculous.

Professor Umbridge clears her throat again, and then she continues, but unlike last time the breathiness is completely gone and in its place is a more businesslike directness though they hold a dull and droning quality to them.

"The Ministry of Magic has always considered the education of young witches and wizards to be of vital importance. The rare gifts with which you were born may come to nothing if not nurtured and honed by careful instruction. The ancient skills unique to the Wizarding community must be passed down through generations lest we lose them forever. The treasure trove of magical knowledge amassed by our ancestors must be guarded, replenished, and polished by those who have been called to the noble profession of teaching."

She pauses here and makes a little bow to the other staff members, none of whom bow back. Professor McGonagall's dark eyebrows contract so that she looks rather hawkish and when Professor Umbridge is not looking she exchanges significant glances with Professor Sprout. Professor Umbridge clears her throat again and goes on with her speech.

"Every headmaster and headmistress of Hogwarts has brought something new to the weighty task of governing this historic school, and that is as it should be, for without progress there will be stagnation and decay. There again, progress for progress's sake must be discouraged, for our tried and tested traditions often require no tinkering."

I frown at this, for I don't care for the direction this little speech seems to be taking.

"A balance, then, between old and new, between permanence and change, between tradition and innovation must be attained. This is because some changes will be for the better, while others will come, in the fullness of time, to be recognized as errors of judgment. Meanwhile, some old habits will be retained, and rightly so, whereas others, outmoded and outworn, must be abandoned. Let us move forward, then, into a new era of openness, effectiveness, and accountability, intent on preserving what ought to be preserved, perfecting what needs to be perfected, and pruning wherever we find practices that ought to be prohibited."

Professor Umbridge sits then and Dumbledore claps politely, others taking up the clapping as they come out of their daydreams. Just as soon as Dumbledore starts he stops and stands.

"Thank you, Professor Umbridge. Your speech was very enlightening. Now as I was saying Quidditch tryouts will be held…"

"Enlightening indeed."

I turn to face Hermione who is nibbling lightly on her lower lip and gazing intently at the head table.

"You couldn't have found that interesting, Hermione. That has to have been the driest speech I've ever heard. About as bad as Percy giving a speech on the importance of Cauldron bottom thickness."

"I guess it's too much to ask that you pay enough attention to what she was saying to read into, Ron. Don't you know who our dear esteemed professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts is?"

"Should I?"

"She works for the Ministry, Ron. She's Senior Undersecretary to the _Minister_."

"Well that can't be good. Fudge has it in for you Harry." Ron says while patting me on the back.

"That's comforting. Another DADA professor I have to watch out for."

Hermione frowns, but doesn't verbally refute what I say.

"You know that really is something. You just can't seem to get a break, can you, mate?" Ron tilts his head to the side and smiles lopsidedly at me. I grin back in response.

"I wouldn't be me if I did."

Dumbledore dismisses everyone and I glance over just in time to see Adrian leave out the doors, headed no doubt for the infirmary ward.

"Are you going to tell us why you were late coming to the Feast, again?" Hermione sounds both reprimanding and comforting.

"Yes, but let's wait till we reach the Common Room. It'll take awhile."

We join the masses heading for the door and up ahead I can hear the Prefects calling out to the first years.

"Hey, Harry!"

My shoulders tense up and I almost stop walking, but I continue without a fault hoping the owner of that slightly squeaky voice can't catch up.

"Harry, wait up!"

Colin Creevey is far to close to simply ignore now. I stop and when Hermione and Ron realize that I've given up trying to out run the little bugger they stop too. Slowly we all turn around to face the blond headed camera crazy Gryffindor. Unfortunately everyone else around us is still moving and some one runs into me as I turn around. The person, who ever it is, pushes me away and I barely keep my balance as I crash into Ron who grabs a hold of me.

"Move it, Potter." A voice that I recognize snarls at me. It wasn't said loudly, but it carried as well as if it were shouted. Light hazel eyes glare at me, the owner of those eyes and that voice, Seamus, stalks away without a second glance.

I can't move and Ron is still holding me up. I look up and Colin is standing there a few feet away, wide-eyed. He looks as shocked as I feel.

"Oh, Harry."

I turn to face Hermione who looks into my eyes, her's filled with sympathy. Mine I know only who confusion though, and maybe a little hurt.

"It must be the articles in the paper, Harry. Don't worry I'm sure it'll blow over in a little. Try no to let it get to you. "

"Right." I'm not sure if I can take her advice and really use it. I remember the way it felt in second year. I don't want to go through that again.

"Hey, Harry." The normally squeaky voice is now a hushed whisper of concern and I turn to face Colin.

He stands there taller then I remember, as tall as me. He used to seems so small. Beside him stands his brother, Dennis, an almost exact copy of his older brother, but small still. Both radiate with worry, concern. I smile slightly at them.

"Hey Colin," I nod to him, "Dennis." and his brother.

"We'll see you later, take care." With that the Creevey brothers take off down the empting corridor.

We stand there, I unmoving in the, now small, crowd that makes it's way through.

"Come on Harry. You've still got a story to tells us and there's no way we're letting you go to bed before you tell us everything. Even if we're the last one's up."

And that, I think, doesn't sound that bad, my friend.

* * *

The end, of this chapter. Sorry it took so long, but school keeps a girl very busy. Not to mention this chapter just didn't want to end. Tell me what you think, and I take criticism well as long as it's constructive and I enjoy it along with any other comments. It means people are actually reading this monster 

Chapter 3 is already under way and luckily summer will give me much more time to work. In chapter 3: What is up with Seamus, and how many others will feel differently towards Harry and first DADA lesson.


	4. Waking Nightmares

Tile: _chaunt du cygne_

Author: illusory

Disclaimer: Harry Potter is the property of J. K. Rowling and I'm just playing for my own amusement. I don't own anything except the little original things in this story and well the story it's self.

Rating: R (I think not sure where the line is crossed)

Warning: This is pre-slash, but will not even show a hint of it (sorry). There will be violence, gore, angst galore, contemplative and attempted suicide, language, and death.

Author's Notes: Chapter three is just a short one, kind of a teaser.

A/N # 2: I changed some things in the chapter, mainly just the end; I changed it, and then fix some spelling and grammatical errors. Other then that everything is the same.

Waking Nightmares

* * *

Endless corridors, lit with an eerie light that plays softly against the ceaseless walls. Someone's running down the hall. Breath coming in short pants. Sweat trickles down, beading along the way and dropping to the ground in quiet rhythm with breath and hollow pounding of feet. Fleeing, chasing, I can't tell. Something comes up to meet me. Black, big, huge, engulfing, it doesn't end. It's here and still it comes, unrelenting. It fills my vision. I can't see anything, but black oblivion. Nothing.

* * *

I wake, sweating and panting, lightly, barely audible in the humming silence of the dorm. Neville snores and Dean shifts almost continuously. Ron mutters something in his sleep and all is right.

Gradually my heart slows to match the steady hum. My eyes close and I feel sleep lap ravenously at the edge of my conscious. I can't bring myself back and sleep takes me in her clutches once more.

* * *

An airy room spans out in all directions. Voldemort stands in front of bay windows twirling a glass of red wine, I think, swaying slightly to a tune that plays in another room. Something old, I've not heard it before, but it's calm and soothing, with a scratchy hiss that blurs the edges, like an old record, worn with age and use.

"Wormtail." A pleasant hiss, almost invitingly warm, issues from reptilian lips.

"Y-yes, my Lord?" The rat bows down to Voldemort, scrapping against the cold stone floor, upon a spot bereft of rugs and the warmth that radiates through the room.

"Were you able to find it?"

"No, my Lord." The response is barely audible.

"I don't believe I heard you quite right. What did you say?" The once pleasant voice turns icy, the hiss becoming more pronounced.

"N-no, m-my lord." The rat stutters, the response is louder, but only just.

"_Crucio_."

I fall with Wormtail to the ground shuttering as the curse races through every nerve, burning the edges with excruciating pain. My teeth grind together to keep in my scream of pain as Wormtail wails and thrashes upon the ground. The curse is let up and I lay there gasping for breath untainted with pain, staring at the snake-faced monstrosity before me.

"The book, Wormtail. I need that book and you're going to do _anything_ it takes to get it for me, aren't you?" Voldemort's eyes narrow further as he states the question as a fact.

"Y-y-yes my, L-lor-lord!"

"Good." Voldemort turns away from the shriveling rat and sips from his glass slowly.

Taking this as his dismissal, Wormtail wobbles to his feet and rushes as quickly as possible toward the door he entered from.

"Oh, and Wormtail." The Dark Lord addresses the rat in a silky voice filled with dark promise.

Wormtail turns to face Voldemort, nearly tripping over himself in haste.

"Ye-yes, my Lord?"

"Don't fail me a second time. I won't be so lenient."

"Yes, my Lord. Of course n-not."

"_Crucio_."

Again we fall and I pull at my hair desperately trying not to focus more then necessary on the pain, but I can't keep the scream from coming any more.

"Just a reminder. If you fail me again this will be nothing in comparison to the torture I will put you through."

The curse stops and Wormtail stutters the faithful 'Yes, my Lord.' Leaving with as much haste as possible with his constant shaking. I'm not in much better shape and lay gasping on the ground. Darkness bleeds across my sight and I sigh in relief as the vision starts to fade.

* * *

For the second time this night I lay sweating and panting in bed. Only this time I'd woken everyone in the dorm with my screaming.

I'd awoken with Ron standing over me, a look of horror on his face, Seamus sitting in his bed glaring daggers at me, Dean across the room unable to look at me, and Neville standing just behind Ron sniffling. For a moment I just stared up into Ron's eyes silently begging him to forget this ever happened and to go back to sleep. Unfortunately that didn't happen. Instead Seamus decided it would be a good time to make some sarcastic comment toward me, though what he said never really registered in my mind, the Cruciatus curse has a tendency to befuddle the mind like that, but Ron had taken the distraction and nearly pounced on Seamus knocking Neville out of the way in his rush to strangle the Irish boy.

Neville moves out of the way of the fighting boys and decides to come over my way.

"Hey, Harry. Umm… th-that must have been some nightmare, huh?"

Ron and Seamus still, likely waiting for me to answer.

I smile slowly at Neville. "Yeah, it was some nightmare. Bloody horrible."

"Are you going to be alright?" Neville sits beside me on my bed looking very serious in his faded flannel pajamas and sleep tousled hair, small frown on his face in place of the soft smile that is normally on his face.

"Of course he isn't going to be alright, Neville." Seamus sneers down at me and I can't stay laying anymore, not with him scrutinizing me like that. "He's mad."

"Seamus-"

"No!" Seamus interrupts Dean who'd moved between Ron and Seamus, no doubt to keep them from going at it again. "I don't know how all of you can stand to be around _him_! After what happened last year."

I flinch at his words, but move to get up quickly in hopes of hiding my reaction. I should have known this would happen. I shouldn't let it bother me. Fatigue washes through me and I shake all over, the force of it nearly making me fall down. Neville grabs my arms and gives me a hand out of bed, keeping me steady.

"Harry?" Ron comes closer with a concerned look on his face. "Harry, you're shaking like a leaf."

He's right. Bloody after affects, that curse is a nuisance. I shrug off the matter and lean casually against Neville. I can stand on my own. I can. I'm just leaning against Neville because I want the comfort, not that I need it. I just want it. Sure, I'll just keep telling myself that and maybe if I try real hard, I'll believe it.

Ron is trying to take me from Neville, but really I wish he wouldn't make it so obvious that I actually might need help to keep from falling down.

"What's wrong, Potter? A bit unstable?" Seamus again, taunting.

Ron tenses beside me and I just sigh at the uselessness of this situation.

"Seamus I'm not sure where you heard that I'm going mad, from the papers no doubt, but I'm fine. I really am. Just shaken after what happened, but I'm still fine."

"Yeah, a bit too _fine_ I think."

I frown a little not sure of what he's talking about.

"You say that you went against You-Know-Who and that he killed Cedric, but you came back without a scratch, completely unharmed. You're lying Potter and the Minister knows it. He's just waiting till he can prove it and when he does the Aurors are going to be coming for you."

"Where are you getting your information from, Finngin? The Daily Prophet? Well then they'd be wrong and only a fool would believe them." Ron hisses at Seamus and really I wish he wouldn't. It reminds me of Voldemort.

Seamus flushes red and snarls at Ron and glares at me.

"Are you calling my mum a fool?"

"If the shoe fits."

I almost smile at the muggle phrase Ron learned from Hermione. Seamus however obviously isn't amused by Ron's witty retort and stalks over toward us. Neville backs away from the storm that is Seamus Finngin.

"Take it back, Weasley." Seamus pushes his fingerer into Ron as though to some how empathize his demand.

"No."

"Weasley."

I should probably do something about this before it gets out of hand. That might be a bit hard though since I'm trapped between Ron and Seamus and I have a feeling I'll fall flat on my face without Ron's support.

"Seamus, this is just a misunderstan-"

"Shut-up, Potter!"

"Hey, don't talk to Harry like that!"

Ron is so not helping.

"Take it back!"

"Why should I?"

"Ron, Seamus stop this now!"

"I said shut-up Potter. Or are you unable to understand English now?"

This time I flush red in anger. This is ridiculous!

"Stop being such an arse. So you think I'm going mad? Well go ahead and think it! I really don't care, but have enough decency to keep you're opinions to yourself!"

"As long as you're waking everyone up with your bloody screaming, I think I have a reason to say something."

"I'll make sure it doesn't happen again. It's not as though I enjoy having the bloody things."

"Good, that means you're leaving."

"No, it doesn't. Seamus can we just go back to bed and talk, reasonably, about this later."

"No, we can't. I want you gone, Potter." Seamus grabs me from Ron. "The sooner you're gone, the sooner everyone is safe."

I grab Seamus' hand and try and get him to let go of my shirt. He just bats my hand away and sneers down at me. He's frightening me. I don't like that he can so easily bush away my attempts to break away, but I keep trying.

"Let Harry go, Finngin." Seamus sneers at Ron.

"No."

Dean starts to move toward us. "Seamus may-"

"Stay out of this Dean." And he stops.

I can't take much more of this. It reminds me too much of being helpless in the past. I struggle more, but it isn't helping. I'm too small, too weak and I can't do anything. I can feel someone behind me and that horrible caged feeling surrounds me. I can't help but lash out with hands and feet. Suddenly I'm let go and I drop to the ground falling on my arse.

"You little bastard! You kicked me!" Seamus is holding his stomach glaring down at me.

Seems like he got the wind knock out of him, pity I hadn't managed to hit lower.

Ron helps me to my feet and I actually manage to stand on my own now. I move away from Ron trying to get rid of that caged feeling.

I look up and see Seamus stalking over toward me again and as he gets closer he raises his fist, but Dean rushes over latching onto him. He manages to get a fist past as Dean tries to drag him away. I see it coming as though time is slowing down and I swear I have forever to move out of the way of the descending fist. But then there's a blur and movement starts again and the fist crashes against the side of my face. I'm not looking at Seamus struggling against Dean anymore, but Ron rushing toward me and behind him Neville stands tears running down his face, confusion shining in his eyes.

"You're no better then any Death Eater, Potter. Worse even. Mad in the head and gladly following You-Know-Who, no doubt. Lot a good your mum's sacrifice did. It would have been better if she'd let you die."

Seamus glares at me, but stops struggling against Dean. The room echoes in silence.

That... hurt. I blink once, twice and try to ignore the sharp bitter edged pain that stabs through me and twists with savage joy. Better to concentrate on the throbbing pain that washes through the side of my face. I can't look away from his angry eyes, intent in his fury. But why, why would one of my friends think that? Someone I had trusted.

I don't have to gather the courage, shame, to look away, because Ron tilts my head toward him and stares carefully into my eyes. Perhaps reading what he can find within them. It lasts for a moment before he lets out a low whistle.

"That'll be quite a shiner, Harry."

* * *

Alright, that was fun. Cut off the chapter sooner then I thought I was going to, but oh well. It fits and I'm going to leave it like that. Chapter four hopefully won't take too long now that summer's here. That chapter will probably cover the rest of the day and maybe more.

Thank you, those who reviewed:

Ouroboros Vipertooth

elsa3beth

I love hearing what people think and input will always be listened to.


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